


The hangman's first love

by Syan_Cali



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Bruiseshipping, Forced Marriage, Hangman, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24875887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syan_Cali/pseuds/Syan_Cali
Summary: Cole's first love, a woman with auburn hair and sparkling blue eyes, is his prisoner. He doesn't know her name, but he fell in love with her at first sight. He knows, he will never be with her since he's the hangman and he mustn't touch citizens. Otherwise they'll lose their privileges and social status due to his profession's impurity.But the woman has a secret that must be protected or she will die.  Will Cole help her after he learned the truth about his first and only love?
Relationships: Cole/Jay Walker
Comments: 5
Kudos: 44





	1. The prisoner and the hangman

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, hat's the first time I'm writing an English fanfiction and I guess there are some mistakes left since English isn't my first language. So I'm sorry about the inconsistent style, grammar errors or strange descriptions or words. I'm trying my best!
> 
> For the story: I had the main plot in mind for several years now, after I had learned a lot about medieval culture, hangmans and prostitutes for an essay. A lot of the described things in this story were true for hangmans in Europe (like the part about their impurity, the things at the tavern in chapter 2 or the things I've written about hangmans and marriages in chapter 4). But I'm not a historian, so it may be that I mixed some things up or I made some things up to fit for the story. But if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

'She is so beautiful!' Cole sighed and kept observing the prisoner. 'I really wonder how she's keeping her beauty in such an awful surrounding.' 

Of course, he had helped her and imprisoned her in the upper chambers where the rats couldn't bother the prisoners and the stench of faeces, pain and death didn't effect them the same way it did some floors down there, but she still stucked in an empty, naked stone cell without furniture or even a window. Only a narrow recess in the masonry provided ventilation.

He sighed again and the woman lifted her head. Bright blue eyes met his charcoal blacks and he suddenly smiled.

"Hey, how are you?" He asked and his voice went soft. Way too soft. He knew it but he couldn't avoid being a love struck fool whenever he saw the adorable freckled face of hers.

He had fallen for her the very moment they met; ages ago, deep down in the woods. He remembered the dancing sunlight on her auburn hair, which was falling over her shoulders like flowing, glistening water. She had had rosy cheeks and on her lips has been the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. She had been like a mysterious fairy, sitting in the middle of the forest and looking in awe at the tiny blue flowers that covered the glade. Oh, how much he wished she would finally look at him in this manner. But all she did was starring at him like a wounded animal.

"Uhm I dunno", she muttered and narrowed her eyes.

Cole knew that she once had that little habit of hiding behind her long reddish hair but due to the imprisonment they cut it short and now it barely covered her ears.

He sighed again, entered the chamber and brought the tray whit bread and water inside. He placed it next to her on the floor. What other options where there; the room was empty except for the bunch of old straw and a bucket for her ... well ... natural needs.

"You must hate me."

He flinched and almost dropped the tray. "Excuse me?"

"You're the boy who was calling me to help his mother, aren't you?" She avoided locking eyes with him again and her lips were thin lines.

"Uh, so you remember me?" His heart skipped a beat and he couldn't help but smile. She nodded and he sighed once more. "I don't hate you. What reason should I have?"

Her eyes widened in surprise and she forgot to keep her head down for a moment. She blinked and said with angry voice: "Well, let's see. You called me to save your beloved mother but I couldn't and after her sudden death your chickens were killed by a fox. A fox whose fur had the same color as my hair, I was told. I heard people say that it was all my fault. And you heard them too, didn't you?" The anger reddened her cheeks and the dark blue eyes glistened.

At first he didn't know what to say but when he saw the sad little smile on her pink lips, he sighed once more.

"I heard them. And I see what their stupid blabber caused."

Cole's heart ached seeing her upset and in despair but he managed to hold his hands still and not to touch her. But everything in him cried out to do it. To show her that she wasn't alone, that he would never accuse her for the things that had happen. But he knew, the stigma of his profession forbade to touch others.

Her eyes widened in disbelieve but she remained still.

"Listen, I know you think I'm mad at you and I might hate you. But you did your best to help my mother. It was out of your hands to avoid her death." He clenched his fists and it took some seconds to fight against the dark feelings that threatened to overwhelm him whenever he talked about his mother. "I'm probably not the best to reassure you that not everyone thought about you as a witch due to the fact that I'm the hangman. But it's nothing but the truth."

She didn't reply but he wasn't really surprised. It was quite uncommon to forgive someone who could be blamed for a loved one's death. As long as it seemed to be purely arbitrary and one was not allowed to accuse God, such a sinner came just in time.

He stood up and wiped the dust off his pants. "I've got to go but I'll return later and pick you up for your bath. The judges don't want you to ... to be smelly." He cleared his throat. "I just have to find a woman who'll take care of you."

"Wait, what?" She flinched back and her beautiful blue eyes widened in horror. "N... no! I can do it myself! I don't need any help."

"I know but the authorities decided to keep an eye on you to avoid you drowning or something like that."

"No, I ... I won't do that! Please!"

Cole didn't quite understand the issue and furrowed his bushy eyebrows.

The woman muttered and stuttered and finally she covered her face with her hands. "Please, can't you stay instead of ... someone else?"

His heart skipped a beat and his face felt hot. "Well, that would be highly inappropriate."

"No, you don't understand! I beg you!" Her face was burning red and her eyes filled with tears. "If they find out they'll ..." her voice broke.

"Find out what?" Cole blinked in confusion. He didn't even have any idea what she was talking about.

Her gaze went down to her feet and she bit her lip. "I can't!"

His heart broke seeing the women he secretly loved from the bottom of his heart in such despair. He couldn't help but to kneel down in front of her and look her in the eyes. "Tell me!"

"You'll hate me!" She replied quietly and the tears welled up again.

"Stop telling me that. I would never ..." He stopped himself before he could accidentally reveal his true feelings for her. "I promise!" He told her instead.

She wasn't convinced. He could see it in her sparkling blue eyes but he didn't know what to say in order to help her opening up but nevertheless he tried: "Look, I know that they accused you as a witch, but I'm not the only one thinking that you're just a strong and independent woman."

"That's not true."

"What?"

She made a quick step back and her hands trembled. "Every single word is not true." She bit her lips and a few tears run over her cheeks.

He couldn't help but smile. "Well not every word can be a lie. At least you're a woman."

She squeezed her eyes and again welled thick tears up from under her eyelashes. "Not a single word!" She repeated voiceless and Cole froze on the spot.

"What?" His gaze searched for hints that she was lying, but ... no, her breasts were way too flat and her cheeks and chin were covered with soft light stubble. "No", he breathed out and his hand covered his lips. "That ... that can't be! You're a guy?"

With trembling voice she confirmed and Cole had the feeling he couldn't breath anymore.

Later he couldn't tell what exactly happened after he had slammed the door and had run away. The only remaining and continuously repeating thing he heard in his head was: run!

And that's what he did.


	2. A strange encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~ Trigger warning: mild homophobic thoughts ~~

The innkeeper poured another beer in the chained mug and avoided Cole's gaze. Without talking he went back to his counter and hid behind it, as if the half-height, wooden wall could protect him from Cole's poor presence.

Cole knew that people felt uncomfortable whenever he was around, so he normally avoided drinking in the tavern. It wasn't that they hated him as a person. It was just his profession and the impurity that came with it. No one ever talked to him and no one would ever touch him willingly because if they did, they would be as impure as the hangman himself. They'd loose their privileges and their social rank. Absolutely everything they were or owned.

The lack of social status didn't bother Cole much. He had a house outside the city on a beautiful little hill, surrounded by flowers and trees. It was beautiful and quiet and most of the time he was pleased. Only the few times he had to interrogate or hang someone he reached his limits. He didn't hate his job. He just didn't agree with some of the imposed judgments and punishments. But it wasn't up to him to decide. He was just the executor.

Nevertheless he sat in the tavern, early in the morning, beer drinking from a mug that was chained to the wall. It was his personal mug and the three-legged stool was always reserved for the hangman and mustn't be touched by others.

He snorted and felt as if he just woke up after a long nightmare. With shaking hands and an abnormally strong pounding heart, he starred down and tried to understand what just had happend.

He couldn't belief that the woman he fell in love with was actually a guy!

A deep, dark growl left his throat and he squeezed the root of his nose with his thumb and index finger. That wasn't normal! It was disgusting and wrong! How could something like that even happen? It was ...

Soft blue eyes appeared before his eyes and he saw the cute little freckles all over the beautiful and strong face. His heart jumped again and a warm fire burned inside his stomach.

"Fuck, I'm lost!", he mumbled, emptied his drink in one go and got up. It felt difficult to losen the moneybag and he felt more dizzy than ever, but some time later he threw a few coins on the table and left the tavern.

It was quiet outside. Most people were busy running errands or hurrying to work so no one seemed to notice the staggering man who tried to reach the jail.

Well, no one except for a handsome blonde guy, dressed in a deep black vestment. "Master Hence!" He greeted joyful.

"Shit!" Cole muttered and stomped over the wide open market place. "G'morning, Pater Zane."

Zane's mild smile warmed his heart and even if Cole tried to ignore it, he felt better. Every time they met, the Pater seemed to be surrounded by a calming and smooth shimmer that softens all anger and bad feelings.

"It's such a beautiful day, isn't it?"

Cole's black eyes met the baby blue's of this man. "Yeah, truly beautiful," he responded sarcastically.

The priest's gaze glided over the empty market place. "You seem upset."

"Kind of."

"Whats the matter, son?"

Zane gave him all the time he needed to gather his thoughts and to turn them into words. This kind of things were hard for Cole. He didn't want to tell to much but he felt the urgent need to speak with someone. And Pater Zane was one of the kindest people he knew. But was it really a good idea? Even if he felt mad and ... and hurt, he didn't want to cause any trouble for the woman ... the man? Damn it! He didn't even know how to think about this person anymore.

He kneaded his sweaty palms and starred at a tiny grass bundle down to his feet while he tried to find the courage to speak. "Pater, did you ever felt betrayed? I mean, did you ever assume to know someone only to find out that you were completely wrong? The whole time?"

The pater remained silent and when Cole finally found the strength to look up, he saw that Zane's eyes were drawn to the distance and he gently chewed on his lower lip. "Well," the pater started. "Actually yes. I had this kind of eye-opening events once in a while."

"And how did you deal with them. Are we supposed to trust those people again? Can we ... should we ... whatever! I don't even know what to think anymore!"

Zane's baby-blue eyes met his charcoal blacks. "Did they ever lie to you? I mean, did they actively tell the untruth? Or did you just assume things and now you're mad after you learned about the reality?"

Cole's mouth gaped. He was eager to tell the pater that he had been tricked. That it wasn't his fault, that ...

But he couldn't and it took surprisingly long for him to realize, that Zane was right. Actually the woman never lied to him. She ... he ... damn it! How should he even address her or him now?

"Did she finally tell you, huh?" The priest sounded mildly amused.

"What?" Asked Cole in surprise and their gazes locked. "You ... you know it?"

Zane's brows raised and he smiled. "I knew her family long before the villagers began to call her 'The woman from the woods'. So, obviously, the answer is yes. I know it."

"But ... why?" Cole felt the sudden urge to run away, but he remained still. "How can you of all people out there accept things like ... like that?"

The smile on his lips remained but his eyes had some kind of sadness in them Cole never saw before. He almost regretted what he had said, but the priest chuckled softly.

"Well, i wasn't raised in this part of the world. Where I come from, there are more than only men and women. For that very reason I'm familiar with the many concepts of embodiment and love. But I'm aware that people from here are not. Maybe you should just go and talk to her, or better listen! Just listen and open your mind."

Cole growled and crossed his armes in front of his chest. "I don't want to listen to this bullshit and you shouldn't be so calm! You're a man of god, aren't you?"

"I am." The priest nodded and a shy little smile hid in the corners of his mouth. "And I'm fully aware, that most of my brothers and sisters consider this as a crime. But I can't change the way I see the world." His palmes wiped the dust off his robe and he smiled again. "The only thing I can recommend you is: listen to your heart and not to the morals and standards some humans took on you. I wish you good luck, master Hence!"

Cole bit his lip and watched the man going to the church. He still didn't know what to do now, but he knew he couldn't stay here. His presence made the citizens nervous. So he sighed and went for a long and lonely walk.


	3. Jade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some words before we start: Please keep in mind that this story takes place in a medieval setting. There are no words for being trans, nonbinary or genderfluid in this timeline, so I can't use them here. And: The woman can only describe how she feels and how she copes with being "different". I don't want anyone of my readers to think that I don't take it serious or portray a strange picture. And, please keep also in mind, that she only says a few sentences. Of course it wasn't THAT easy for her to find her way. But she talks to a complete stranger, so that should be way enough for the moment.
> 
> But if someone still feels offended or uncomfortable how I handle this topic, please let me know.

About two hours later Cole stood in front of the door and tried to calm down. Nevertheless his palms were already sweaty and his thoughts run wild. He wished he could just walk away and never come back but he knew it was impossible. This was his workspace and it was his task to look out for the prisoners. And, if he was honest to himself, he couldn't even think about leaving the woman all alone here.

Yes, he had decided to call her that way. He was too afraid to make a mistake and tell accidentally the truth, what ever that my be, to someone. So he choose to keep the secret as long as he hadn't heard her story.

He took a deep breath and pushed the door handle down. The woman sat on the floor and her blue eyes watched him fearfully.

"Your bath is ready," he said. "Follow me!"

Her gaze twitched restlessly but she remained silent and followed him without complaint.

After they reached one of the upper chambers, where Cole had installed a kitchen-like room, she asked silently: "So you found someone to take care of me?"

He hesitated and his heart skipped a beat. He knew what she might think and it hurt him. "Kind of." Was his short answer when he opened the door and let her in. He took good care that the door was closed and locked before he turned to her and sighed. It was a big relief that they hadn't met anyone on their way up.

The woman stood in the middle of the room and blinked in confusion at the bucket with warm water on the right side of the room and the tiny piece of lavender soap and some washcloth he had prepared. "That's the thing I could be drowning in?" she snorted. "I mean I doubt my head would fit in there!"

Cole realized the tiny smile in the corner of her mouth and smiled as well. "Yeah, no. But I thought you might enjoy the comfort of not being watched by other prisoners or guards walking past the cell with the larger tub. Especially since I am the one taking care of you. I guess your reputation would be ruined."

She snorted quietly and shook her head. "What reputation? But yes, thank you, Master Hence."

His heart skipped a beat again and he hurried to turn away. "Nevertheless you should hurry up. I promise I won't look."

She remained silent but he heard the rustling of cloth and soon after that the soft splash of water.

He took care that the oven had enough wood and placed the teakettle on the hot plate above.

"So you changed your mind?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "But I had an interesting talk with Pater Zane and he asked me to ... to give you a chance to explain yourself."

"Zane, huh?" A cheerful little laughter escaped her and Cole couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yeah. So, do you want to talk to me?"

Only the soft sound of the murmuring water and the cracking wood in the fire filled the air. Had he done something wrong? Maybe he had hurt her feelings or she felt pressured because she was his prisoner?

"Yes," she said quietly after a while. "Yes, I want to tell you. What do you want to know?"

His heart pounded strong against his chest. "Let's start with your name, okay?"

"Well, that's easy." She laughed. "I'm Jay."

"Jay ..." What a beautiful sound! He smiled and when the kettle whistled, he took two cups from a cupboard and filled them with boiling water and added some fresh peppermint leaves. "May I call you by this name or do you prefer something else?"

"My parents called me Jade whenever we had visitors so they thought Jay is only a nickname. So I guess in my current situation Jade would be safer for me."

He nodded. "Okay, Jade is it then." He sat down on the chair and closed his eyes. "And why ... why do you ... I mean you look like a woman but your body ..." His face felt hot and he didn't know how to ask the right questions without intimidating her. "I'm sorry, I really don't know how to ask you about it."

Jay giggled. "Yeah it's not really easy. But long story short: When I was a little kid I just thought that it will take a while until my body will change. I thought as a grown up I'll be a woman. It just felt like the right thing and I was devasted when my parents explained that I'll stay a boy. It took a while and some help from Pater Zane to find a way for me to feel comfortable with who I am. It's still a bit complicated sometimes, but I feel like myself now. I am just me and I don't mind if someone would still see me as a man. Sometimes I even wear trousers. But most of the time I feel better with my female side."

Cole listened and tried to understand what Jay just told him. He couldn't really grasp what that meant. "So you are a man but want to be a woman?"

"Well, it's not that easy. I was born in a male body, but most of the time I am more female."

"That sounds complicated."

Jay giggled and Cole moaned in frustration. He still didn't get it.

"Look," Jay's voice was soft and calm. "I don't hurt anyone. I live on my own in the woods and I barely have any contacts. I just want to be who I am. Nothing more, nothing less."

Cole nodded and drank a tiny sip of his tea. "Yes, I see. But nevertheless that's the reason why you are here now. The people think you're suspicious. A woman all alone in the woods can't be trusted anyway, they say."

"I know," she replied directly behind Cole and when he turned his head, he saw her standing right next to his chair. Her hair was wet and the soft scent of lavender filled the air.

Even now after he had learned the truth, his heart raced and his stomach felt strange. Jay was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen and he realized that his feelings hadn't changed at all.

"Master Hence, I know you've already done a lot for me but may I ask you for another favor?" A mischievous grin was on Jay's lips and when Cole nodded, she explained: "I could really use a shave, you know?"

He blinked in confusion. "A shave? Oh, yeah sure! Sit down and have a cup of tea." He stood up and searched in a cupboard for his shaving equipment. He had already thought about it earlier and decided to hide it, in case someone would come into this room. Normally others avoided being in the hangman's chamber but there were still a few guards who used it as a breakfast room.

He prepared everything while he felt Jays gaze on him. It was nice, even if it made his hands shake and his legs wobbly. "There you go," he stated and looked up, directly in these electrifying blue eyes. "Do you," he gulped with difficulty. "Do you want me to lend you a hand?"

Jay raised an eyebrow and a sly smile told Cole that he had, once more, acted like an idiot. Of course he couldn't really help without touching her, so he chuckled awkwardly and shook his head. "Ah, nevermind!"

Cole tried to calm down while Jay shaved herself but he couldn't help but constantly look at her. If he did believe in magic, he would've think that Jay had casted a spell on him. He felt so drawn to her, that he didn't find any other explanation. None than that he was madly in love with her. No matter what she hid underneath her dress. Of course, Cole was a bit scared and it felt strange, but since he already knew that the both of them never could have a future together, it didn't really matter. This thought helped him to calm down.

"Master Hence?"

Cole blinked in confusion. He hadn't even noticed that Jay finished his task. "Yes?"

"Will you tell anyone? About me?"

He smiled gentle end shook his head. "No. I promise to keep your secret, Jade."

"Thank you", she muttered under her breath and Cole realized that her eyes glistened a bit. She must feel relieved by his promise.

He cleaned the room and brought her finally down to the court. He was sure that it won't take very long and then Jay would be a free woman again. He felt a bit uneasy about it because that meant, he wouldn't be able to see her again. But he knew, everything was better than being a prisoner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some answers: Yep, Jay goes by any pronouns and she's genderfluid but since she feels more comfortable with dresses and a "female" appearance, she decided to use she/her. She doesn't know how to explain this topic to a complete stranger, so she decided to go with "being or feeling male/female". It's not quite right but she thinks that this is the easiest way to explain it.
> 
> I hope that makes sense. And pleeeeeease tell me if I misgendered Jay somewhere. Of course I want to use she/her but sometimes I accidentally used he/him.


	4. Death sentence

Cole gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. He couldn't believe what just had happened. The courtroom has been packed and the people were pleased with Lord Garmadon's judgement. These stupid peasants had spat and thrown rotten food on Jay when the guards lead her through the room and back to her prison cell.

It was awful and Jay's widened blue eyes had searched for Cole and mutely pleaded for help. But Cole had been completely helpless at that moment.

Now he was back in the kitchen-chamber. Pater Zane sat at the same spot as Jay some hours ago and poured the fourth glass of wine in for them. They hadn't spoken much since they had arrived. They just sat there, drank and were lost in thoughts until Cole slammed his fist on the table. "How could this even happen?" He cried out.

Zane shook his head and started with his fifth glass. Cole had never seen the pater this upset.

"Normally Lord Garmadon isn't such a fool. He doesn't believe in magic but," he sighed and Cole stopped him from refilling by taking the bottle away from him.

"Im sorry, Pater, but I think you've had way enough."

The blond man blinked in confusion, but finally he nodded. "Well, I guess Lord Garmadon wants to please the citizens and tries to state an example by burning Jade on the stake."

"But Jay is innocent!" His fist hit the table again and Zane flinched back. "How could they even consider death penalty?" asked Cole bewildered.

"I know!"

They were silent again and Zane pulled the bottle back, but didn't pour another drink. He just sat there and tapped the glas with his index finger. His gaze was blurry but suddenly a tiny smile appeared on his lips. "Master Hence, do you, by any chance, like Jade?"

"I," Cole's face felt hot and his heart was racing. "Well, I think ... I mean, she's a nice person."

"Mhm," Zane smiled and stood up. He staggered to the window and glanced outside. "How old are you right now, Master Hence?"

"I'm 25. Why?" Cole frowned. What had his age to do with that?

"And do you intend to marry someone in the near future?"

Cole remained silent and the Pater turned around. His cheeks were red and his baby blue eyes had a feverish glow.

"Pater? Are you drunk?"

"Mh, let me change the question: Is there a woman you can marry in the next few years?"

"Well, the hangman from Stiix has an unmarried daughter. She's the only girl I could marry someday, since we're not allowed to marry outside our class. I mean, there are a lot of men at my age at the hangmans familys, so the few women are already taken. But Ronan's kid is only 8, so she's way too young and I'm not interested."

Zane's grin grew wider. "Excellent."

"I don't see the point, pater."

"Well, if there is no other woman available for marriage, the hangman can ask a woman who's sentenced to death, to marry him instead of fulfilling the sentence."

Cole's stomach was tingling. "Does that mean," he interrupted himself. "But you know, that Jade ...?"

The pater nodded. "I know, yes. But if you truly love her, I wouldn't hesitate to marry you two together."

Cole tried not to look to excited but the prospect of marrying Jay felt like a dream that came true. Although some uncertainty remained. "But Lord Garmadon won't allow it. The people would claim that Jade bewitched me or something like that."

Zane nodded. "Yes, you're right. But leave this problem to me. I mean, if you would do that to save Jade?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitation. There was no need to be shy about his feelings now. "I would do anything for her!"

The pater chuckled and almost laid a hand on his shoulder but flinched back when he realized his mistake. He smiled apologetically instead. "So, go down and ask her and I try to sort the other things out."

~~~

When Cole entered the cell, Jay's gaze flickered nervously but she laid back on her straw bed, after she noticed his gentle smile. She must have cried; her eyes were red and swollen. Cole wished he could just pull her in his arms and comfort her but that was impossible. "Hey, how are you?" He asked instead and she shrugged.

"Well how should I feel after I was sentenced to death? I can tell you, it's not relieved."

He felt, once more, very dumb and blushed immediately. "I'm sorry. That was a stupid question."

She sighed and sat up. "No, it's alright. I shouldn't have been so mean. It's not your fault at all."

For a moment Cole didn't know what he should say. Everything seemed so easy und clear when he and Zane came up with their plan but now? What should he say? Marry me, if you want to live? Not only stupid and confusing but also intimidating and somehow wrong. "Uhm," he scratched his head with one hand and tried to find a beginning. "There ... uhm ... well, maybe I know something to help you."

Jay frowned and folded her arms in front of her chest. "Mhm? How not to scream while burning alive?" Her whole body trembled.

Cole sighed and sat down, next to her on the straw bed. "No. There is an actual way to save your life," he said. "But I admit that most women would prefer to die."

"Oh, sounds great," she stated and growled in frustration. "But knowing my possibilities is better than despair."

It took a few seconds until Cole had decided how to bring the subject up. He had a plan but when he opened his mouth it seemed like his head turned empty and the only words that fell out of his mouth were: "You could marry me."

Jay burst out in laughter. "Excuse me, what?"

"You ... you could agree to marry me. This would save your life and annul the judgement."

"Do you even know what you're talking about?"

Her horrified look hurt him but he just nodded. "Yes, I do."

"Why would you even do that?"

He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cold stonewall. "Why wouldn't I? You're innocent."

"How is that even supposed to work? No priest would ..."

Cole interrupted her with a harsh gesture. "Pater Zane would. It was his idea."

She remained silent for a few minutes and when Cole finally looked at her, he felt his heart breaking into pieces. She suddenly seemed so fragile. Tears welled up under her eyelids and formed wet traces down her cheeks.

"I can't do that," she muttered and Cole's heart broke even more.

"As I already said, most women would rather die than marry the hangman. I ... it's not really surprising."

Her head bobbed up and she looked at him with wide eyes. "No, that's not the matter! But how could I do this to you? Master Hence, you'd never have children! I can't give you any and some day you would hate me for not being the woman you wanted. How could I bring so much above you just to save my life?"

Cole gaped and shook his head. "Well, it's not that I had any other candidates for marriage since I'm only entitled to marry other hangmans daughters. But there aren't any. So that shouldn't be a problem to care about. If I stay lonely or marry someone who can't give birth is not really a difference. But at least I would have someone by my side."

"But what, if you hate me one day?"

"I won't!"

"You can't know! No, Cole! I can't do this to you!"

It felt like a punch in the guts. "I see", he muttered and stood up. "I'll leave you alone now. But please, think about it."

She remained silent but Cole realized that she had called him by his firstname for the first time. He found a little bit hope in this. Maybe she liked him back. But nevertheless when he closed the door he suddenly felt so empty and sore as if Jay was already dead.


	5. Will you take my hand?

When Cole arrived at home, he felt strange. Usually this house filled him with peace and calmed him down but today it was different. His heart ached and everything seemed to be far away. He tried to eat something but even the strawberries from his garden tasted blunt and so he skipped dinner today. Something he hadn't done in years. Instead he started to clean the whole house. He wasn't one of the tidiest people, but cleaning kept his hands busy and helped him to sort out his thoughts. His head felt like a whole mess and he asked himself: Had he really done everything possible? Should he have been clearer? Maybe he should have told Jay how he felt? She seemed so hesitant because of him and his future. Cole regretted that he had left her so early, but now it was to late. It was all up to Jay now.

While he tidied the house, he found an old dress from his mother. It was a simple tunic, but its dark blue and cream color were as beautiful as Cole remembered them. He took the dress out of the big chest and placed it carefully on his bed. His fingertips caressed the long cream-colored sleeves and the tiny yellow blossoms that were stitched along the seams, the collar and the hem of the skirt. The fabric was soft and pleasant. He remembered how much he had loved hugging his mother when she had worn this dress. She had been a really strong person but her hugs had always been soft and gentle.

With some difficulty he fought back the tears and searched for the belt she had worn with this dress. There it was: a braided black leather belt. A lot of different but definitely nostalgic feelings welled up in Cole's chest and he no longer fought with his tears. He remembered all the good times with his family, especially his mother. She had been so beautiful and kind. He could still see her, with her long black hair, the gentle eyes and strong arms. She had always been calm. His rock in the waves, his haven of peace.

The tears kept rolling down his cheeks and when he finally stood up, he didn't know how much time had passed. The sun had already set and Cole felt as lonely as never before. Alone in this big house, with no chance of having any physical contact and nothing but the lingering fear of losing the one person he loved and truly cared about. It didn't matter to him anymore what Jay's gender was. It didn't matter that she didn't love him the same way he did. All that mattered was, that he didn't want her to die.

He wiped the tears away and folded the dress. But instead of just putting it away, he gently pressed it against his chest and inhaled deeply the delicate scent of violets. Even after all these years, his mother's perfume still hung in the fabric.

"What do you think about me? Loving someone like Jay? Would you accept her? Would you accept me? Us?" he whispered. He assumed that his father would have his problems with Jay, but Cole believed that his mother would tell him, that love was always right and pure. He nodded to himself. Yes, his mother would tell him to follow his feelings.

He gently placed the dress on his bed and cleaned up further. He made plans and decisions while his house got cleaner and tidier. And so did his head. When he stopped, it was far past midnight but he felt relieved now. He would do whatever it took to protect Jay.

~~~

Lord Garmadon's son, Earl Lloyd, was a young blond man and he seemed way too inexperienced to lead the court. But when he laid his emerald green eyes on him, Cole felt somehow strange. His gaze wasn't really unfriendly or intimidating, but he seemed to have the ability to look directly into his shaking soul. The urge to throw up tormented Cole, but he tried to ignore it.

"So, you ask for the hand of the condemned?" The young earl spoke up.

"Yes I do. I request permission to marry Jade since there are no other suitable brides for me. I live all by my self and I need a woman to take care of the household."

"Hm, reasonable. As long as I know, there's only one female child in Stiix you could wait for. But I guess you won't wait about ten years for her to grow up." Earl Lloyd's gaze was serious and he hummed quietly while he looked down on his papers. "I think there shouldn't be a reason to deny your request." He looked up and addressed Jay: "You have to know that your death penalty will be repealed, but when you marry the hangman, you'll lose your privileges as a citizen. You will live with him outside the city and you mustn't touch others. Your place in church is behind all the others and you will be as impure as Master Hence and so will be your children, grandchildren and so on. Do you understand the consequences of this decision?"

Cole looked at Jay and once more his breath was taken away. Jay wore his mother's dress. The calm navy blue color flattered her eyes, but she was as pale as chalk and her whole body shook. "Yes," she said and for a brief moment, she locked gazes with Cole. "I understand the consequences."

Earl Lloyd nodded and looked back to the hangman. "So go on and ask the condemned if she wants to take your hand."

Cole breathed a sigh of relief. The first step was done. But he still had to wait for Jay's decision.

He took a deep breath and turned around to her. She looked down at the ground and her hands were clenched into fists.

"Jade," he said softly and reached out his right hand to her. "Will you take my hand and marry me?"

The silence in the room was overwhelming and Cole couldn't help but search for Pater Zane among the spectators. The blond man was as pale as Jay and probably Cole himself. His lips moved and maybe he whispered a silent prayer.

Cole was more than grateful that Zane had managed to appoint Earl Lloyd as judge by telling Lord Garmadon, that he should trust his son while he had to go on a trip for several weeks. While the Lord didn't know about Zane's plans and he, hopefully, didn't tell his son about his reasons for sentencing Jay to death, their chances had been quite good that Earl Lloyd would grant their request. But that doesn't automatically mean that Jay would say yes.

"Master Hence," Jay looked up with wet eyes. "Are you really sure, you want a strange women from the woods as you wife? Do you really know what you wish for?" She said that last part so silently that only Cole could hear it.

His heart pounded wild against his chest but he managed to smile. "Yes. I want you to be with me with all consequences, in all good and all bad times. And I will respect you and care for you, if you just let me."

Her lips trembled and she could no longer hold back the tears but finally she lifted her hand and placed it gently in Cole's.

"So be it!" Earl Lloyd's voice interrupted the silence. "Pater Zane, would you give us the honor to fulfill the ceremony?"

From this very moment, Cole wasn't able to follow the procedure. He only had eyes for Jay and he had the feeling that his head was completely filled with cotton wool. His thoughts were sluggish and his vision blurred. Maybe the people were right and Jay had bewitched him. But he didn't really care about that. The only thing of importance was, that Jay was a free person now. Well, at least she was no longer convicted. Free was not the right word, considering that she had had the choice between death and a forced marriage to a hangman.

But at the moment Cole was more than happy and he didn't notice anything beside the fact that they had made it. They had saved Jay! Nothing else seemed to matter right now. So he spoke when he was supposed to and after the ceremony Earl Lloyd granted Jay's amnesty and finally they were done and so he left the court with Jay when he finally was allowed to. 

Cole guided Jay through the city and even when he heard that some people yelled at them, he couldn't find a way out of the mist in his head. He brought Jay outside the city walls and walked peacefully next to her. He noticed, that she was unusually quiet but he knew that the last two days must have been hard, so he stayed quiet too and gave her some space.

When they arrived at the large garden in front of the house, Jay stopped and starred at the sea of flowers and herbs that Cole had planted out there.

"Do you like it?" Cole asked quietly and finally she smiled a bit.

"It's nice. Did you plant them?"

Cole was glad, that Jay wasn't that pale anymore. But she still seemed tense. "Yes. It's calming after a long day in the city. Do you want me to show you around?"

Jay nodded and so he led her into the kitchen. It was a big room with a lot of space, a dining table and even a little pantry. He admitted, embarrassed, that it wasn't exactly full. But so far, he'd only had to care for himself and there was no use to fill it much for only one person.

The next room was the little but cosy living room. He hadn't changed anything since his parents had died. Some big and comfortable armchairs stood next to an open fire place, some old paintings and even some tapestries with flowers and sceneries hung on the walls and on the other side of the room there were three giant bookshelfs, crammed with books. Most of them with anatomical sketches or medical instructions. But also a few fairy tales and other interesting stories. This was definitely Cole's favorite room and his heart glow when he noticed, that Jay smiled while her fingers brushed across the cushions.

A tiny door led them to a light and clean room he used, whenever the citizens or peasants came over to have him fix their broken bones or pull out rotten teeth. It was a bit strange, but as long as he was of use for them, they seemed to forget about his impurity and allowed him to touch them. But in every other occasion no one would ever dare to touch him or be touched by him. Cole had given up on thinking too much about it and focused on being a good person and help the ones in need. Of course not without earning some money or receiving some goods in exchange.

After Cole had shown Jay everything, he guided her to the first floor. He noticed, that Jay went pale again but she insisted, that everything was fine, so he just shrugged and and led her to the room at the end of the corridor.

"This is my bedroom", he said and let her in. This room was, compared with the comfortable living room, rather meagerly furnished: A wardrobe and the double bed with a big chest in front of it, were all there was to see. "It's a bit bare, I guess." He shrugged and showed her the next room: His old chamber.

It was way more pleasant than his current sleeping room: A thick, soft carpet covered almost the entire floor. Although its once bright green had faded a little, one could still sense the small flower patterns on it. On the left side of the room was a bed, covered with a dark blue bedspread and on the right side were a small commode and a desk.

"I thought you might like to have this room for yourself. I haven't had the time to clear out the commode, but I'll do it later."

Jay blinked in confusion. "What do you mean by that?"

"I uhm," his face felt hot and he cleared his throat. "Well, I figured you wouldn't share a bed with a complete stranger. Married or not, but at least it was a forced marriage for you. So I thought you might like to have your own bedroom."

Jay frowned. "So you don't want me to share a bed with you?"

It took him a moment to realize what her sentence might mean and it took another moment for him to find the right words. "I don't force you to do anything, Jay."

She didn't look very convinced, but that wasn't too surprising. She must feel lost, wounded and unsure. Cole knew that she didn't know his intentions so he tried to smile reassuring.

"And," she started and clenched her fists. "What do you expect me to do as your wife?" Jay stressed the last word particulary strong and pressed her lips together.

Cole struggled to give an answer. Instead he lifted a hand but when Jay flinched back, he stopped immediately. "I don't expect something. But I guess it's late now. Maybe we should rest and talk later. I can make us dinner. I mean, it's only bread, cheese and some sausages, but better than nothing. If you want to, I'll call you then."

She nodded and Cole smiled again even though he didn't feel happy at all.

While he prepared the dinner, he thought a lot about how Jay's behavior had changed. He understood that she was pretty scared and confused but her mistrust hurt Cole much more than he wanted to admit.

Maybe, he thought, I just have to be more patient.


	6. About daggers and cakes

The weeks passed by but Jay's condition hadn't changed. She remained silent and every time Cole entered the room her eyes widened and she recoiled. Cole didn't even dare trying to touch her in the slightest. He racked his brains how he could prove to Jay that he had nothing bad in mind, but no matter how careful he was, she seemed to be afraid of him and even the time didn't heal her wounds. She stayed in her room the whole day and only came down, when he asked her to join him for dinner.

Today was the same as usual. Jay didn't say a word while Cole tried his best to entertain her, but luckily he had set up a plan.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I have something for you," he beamed and fetched a parcel from his bag. He pushed their plates aside and put the longish present on the table in front of Jay. "That's for you."

"Why?" she asked without moving.

"Well I wanted to give you a present for our wedding. But it happened so fast, I didn't have time to get anything. So it's a bit late, but it's all yours."

Her fingers trembled while she loosened the strings and opened the box. "What ...?" She looked up and met Cole's gaze. "A dagger?" she wondered and liftet the beautiful piece of work out of the box.

Cole was really surprised how much Kai, the town's blacksmith had improved. This dagger wasn't just an ordinary weapon. It was a masterpiece! The handle was made of lavender colored jade and the scabbard consisted of simple steel, but it was over and over decorated with golden inlays and engravings.

"That ... I can't accept this!" Jay breathed awestruckly, but she couldn't take her eyes from the gift. Carefully she pulled the scabbard back, revealing a multiple folded steel blade, which, like the scabbard itself, was decorated with golden ornaments. "Oh my..." her eyes darted at Cole and he couldn't help but smile.

"Do you like it?"

"Ye... yes! It's beautiful! But ... it's way too expensive as a gift for me!"

Cole shook his head and reached out for her hand, but didn't touch her. "Jay, I want you to feel save everywhere and with everyone. Including myself."

"Yourself?" Jay was a bit pale and Cole tried to smile.

"I know that I look quite intimidating, but you should feel save in this house. And especially with me. So, if you feel better if you carry a weapon with you ..." he stopped and smiled. "Just take it with you wherever you are and use it if you have to."

"Are ... are you sure?"

He nodded. "Of course."

She admired the dagger and whispered: "But it must have cost a fortune!"

"You're right, but you are very important for me. I know, you were forced into this marriage, but i want you to know that I don't regret marrying you. I expect nothing from you in return. Please, just accept my gift."

She nodded absentminded and asked: "But ... but why did you give me that dress the other day and why do you give me a gift now?"

"Ah, the dress. I forget to tell Pater Zane what he should tell you when he gave it to you." He laughed and shrugged. "I was a bit nervous that day. Well, uhm, I didn't want you to get married in your old dress you wore during the time in the prison. I thought you might want to have a good dress for that day. It was my mother's favorite one and I couldn't think about a better opportunity to give it to someone." Although Jay probably didn't know how precious that dress was for him, she knew with certainty how expensive it might have been once. "And for the dagger: You can call me a bit old fashioned, but I stick with the tradition that the groom should give a present to his bride. It took a while to figure out what you might like, but I think that this dagger is a good choice. Maybe you'll feel a bit more comfortable now."

Jay hesitated but finally she nodded and laid her hand in his. "Thank you ... Cole!"

The sound of his name coming from her mouth was the sweetest thing he had ever heard and now he had a hard time holding back his exuberant emotions. But somehow he managed to sit still, even though he was grinning like an idiot.

~~~

When Cole arrived at home the next day, he heard loud curse words and yelling, coming from the kitchen. His mind created multiple worst-case scenarios but when he opened the door, Jay was alone. She stood in front of the table, surrounded by different vegetable, a chopping board and a big knife. She pressed a cloth against her hand and cursed loudly.

"What ...," Cole began but Jay's head bopped up.

"Don't you dare saying something!"

Cole shook his head while he noticed the white cloth turning red. "Oh", he muttered and came closer.

"I uhm," Jay's face was burning red. "I tried to make dinner. I'm sorry, but you're a horrible cook and I couldn't stand it anymore."

Cole huffed silently. He knew she was right. He had tried his best but whatever food he touched and tried to prepare as a meal turned into unidentifiable goo, burned to charcoal or was oversalted. So he couldn't even argue about that. "Well, at least I didn't cut my fingers off."

"I said: don't you dare!" she shouted.

The hangman chuckled, reached for her hand and pulled the cloth aside. The incision wasn't really deep, but reached over the inside of her palm to her pinkie. "How did that happen?"

"The knife fell down and I, like the idiot I am, tried to catch it."

He had a hart time not to laugh, but didn't succeed.

Jay hissed and pouted with burning red cheeks.

She's so cute, he thought and couldn't help but smile. "Let me help you with the wound and afterwards we can cook together. I cut the vegetables and you can watch me and shout at me whenever I get in danger of ruining our dinner."

Jay seemed to think about it and said finally: "Sounds fair." She followed Cole to the chamber where he had his medical supply.

Cole noticed, that Jay was carrying the dagger he had given to her and it seemed, that his implication, she might feel more comfortable with the weapon around him, had been right. At least she left her room and had started talking to him in her old manner.

He asked her to sit down on a stool and started to clean and dress the wound.

That was, including last night and at their wedding ceremony, the third time that he touched her hand. He was surprised that Jay had a lot of calluses. He hadn't noticed anything before. But, to be fair, he had been an love struck idiot whenever Jay was near him. So it wasn't surprising at all.

"So, here we go," he said when he had finished his work. "It's not that bad, but you shouldn't use your hand for a while."

Jay's blue eyes and the softly whispered "Thank you!" warmed Cole's heart. He smiled at her and let her hand go.

The following evening was calm and even a lot of fun. As Cole had suggested, they cooked a meal together and Jay seemed to feel more and more comfortable around him. Even though she still seemed to be nervous, every time their shoulders gently brushed together or their hands met while handing each other something over. But nevertheless, he often caught her looking at him when she thought he wouldn't notice. He took that for a good development.

~~~

When Cole arrived at home, about two days later, he noticed, that someone had been pulling weeds in the garden. At first he was quite worried, but when he realized that burglars were unlikely to be weeding, he breathed a sigh of relief and entered the house. The sweet scent of freshly baked cake rose into his nose and left him wondering what had happened here. This all became more and more mysterious, but when he saw Jay, standing in the kitchen and wearing a white apron, he couldn't help but feel happy.

"What's going on here?," he asked.

Jay looked up and smiled at him. She wore her hair in a messy bun and some leaves and burdocks stuck in it. "Oh, you're early today. I didn't expect you until sunset."

He nodded and fought the desire to kiss her on the cheek. "What happened to your hair?" he asked instead.

She looked embarrassed aside and lifted her bandaged hand. "I did some garden work and with this bandage I couldn't fix my hair properly. There are some burdocks in it and I can't get them out. But ... oh!" she shouted and rushed to the oven, opened it and tried to pull a baking pan out but it seemed quite difficult for her with only one hand. So Cole pushed her gently aside, grabbed the oven cloth and took the cake out of the oven.

"It looks delicious!"

"Mhm. I hope you ... I mean, uhm, do you like rhubarb? I didn't know, but you had a lot in the backyard, so I thought you might like it."

Cole laughed out loud and closed the oven. "It's cake! I love every type of cake."

A shy smile appeared on her lips while she tried to untangle her hair with one hand.

"Want me to help you?"

Jay looked at him hesitantly, but finally nodded and sat down at the kitchen table.

Cole hadn't noticed before, but it seemed that she had already tried to fix her hair. A brush and a hand mirror were on the table. As gently as possible he loosened her ribbon and started to pull the loose leafs out. Her hair had grown during the past few weeks. It already reached her shoulders. "So you baked and did some garden work today?"

She nodded and watched his every move through the hand mirror. "I was bored and saw how much there is to do in the garden. Then I discovered the rhubarb and ..." she shrugged.

"That was a great idea." He beamed and took the last piece of plant out. Without thinking any further, he took the brush and combed her hair.

"Thank you", she muttered and a sweet pink covered her cheeks.

They remained in silence while Cole's fingers ran through her hair and split it into strands. He tried to remember how to plait a braid and although he hadn't done this in years, his hands remembered how to do it. Eventually it was far away from perfect, but nevertheless it looked great on Jay. He gently placed a small kiss on the back of her head and smiled. "You look great, J..." He felt the blood leaving his face when he realized what he had just done. His eyes darted up and met Jay's baffled look through the mirror. "I ... I'm sorry, Jay! I didn't mean to ..." he stuttered.

Jay put down the mirror and turned to him. She was a bit pale and her gaze wandered across his face. It seemed like she was looking for something and finally she laid a hand at his cheek and looked into his eyes. "Thank you, Cole," she whispered. "I like it. I really do."

Cole's head was spinning and he didn't know what to think about it. Did she like the braid? The kiss? Could that be possible?

When she turned away from him and stood up, his skin felt cold and he had the strange feeling of almost fainting. What had he been thinking? This little lack of self-control could have destroyed every little bit of progress they've had made.

"Uhm, do you ..." Jay stood in front of the oven and held a knife in her hand. Cole couldn't see her face but her hand shook a little. "Do you want to eat some cold meat and bread or the warm cake first?"

"I'd love me some cake." Cole laughed. "I don't trust people who'd ever choose anything else."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, already part 6. I have about two chapters more and started with another one, but I'm absolutely unsure what to do. Should this story stay sfw? Or would you guys like to see some more intimate stuff with these two dorks? Can't promise anything but, I have some good ideas for them, thanks to the one-bruise-cell-gang at discord.
> 
> New updates every Monday.


	7. Confession

As time passed by, Cole got used to be greeted by Jay, kneeling in the garden and taking care of their little flower paradise when he arrived at home after work. He loved that Jay finally felt comfortable enough to come out of her room to do something that seemed to make her happy. But the best part was, that they had found a shared hobby they could talk about in the evenings. It almost felt familiar to talk to Jay, sitting in front of the fireplace and sipping tea. It reminded Cole of the old days when his parents were still alive.

He really felt, that he and Jay had become more close during the past weeks, although there had been some strange situations, that had left both of them flustered and nervous. Something like little touches while handing over an object or the sudden silence when they were accidentally closer to each other than intended. But at the same time there were various little gestures between them to please each other. So, after Jay had mentioned he always wanted to own some chicken, Cole had built a chicken house and had bought three chicken at the market. Jay on the other hand provided food every evening and took care of the household. Cole hadn't expected her to do so, but he was thankful for the help. It made his life a lot easier. But the best thing ever was, that Jay had baked a lot of cakes and cookies for him. Whenever he wanted some, there was something in the cupboard. Oh, he couldn't tell how much he loved that!

Nevertheless, this evening had ended a bit abrupt since he had left the kitchen straight after dinner. During work, a drunkard had attacked him with a stool. His head and shoulder ached a lot. He felt a bit dizzy and the piercing pain wouldn't let him rest. But a few minutes after he had laid down, there was a gentle knock on his door. Jay stood in front of it. She wore a wide shirt and, to Cole's surprise, trousers.

"May I come in?" she asked

When he nodded, she entered the room, but stayed awkwardly in front of his bed, holding a small pot in her hand. "I uhm ..." she cleared her throat. "I've been at my old house a few days ago and brought some of my things over. I have some ointment that could help you with your shoulder, if you want to."

Cole was baffled. "I didn't know you left the house."

Jay's cheeks glowed red and her voice rose a bit when she said: "And I didn't know that I have to ask for your permission." 

"Of course you don't have to. I was just surprised! I mean, you're not my prisoner."

"No, not any longer, huh?"

They both glared at each other for a few seconds, but Cole couldn't help but chuckle and Jay reciprocated it. "Yeah, fortunately no longer. So, if you'd really help me?" Cole asked. "But I can't lift my arm or take off my shirt." He demonstrated it by lifting his arm a bit and stopped when the pain shot through his shoulder.

"No worries, I'll help you!" Jay sat down next to him and helped him unlacing the laces on his shirt. 

It was a strange feeling to be helped undressing by someone and Cole tried to ignore that he was all flustered. Instead he thought desperately about something to chat. "So you, uhm, you are wearing trousers now?"

"Yes, I felt like it this evening."

"Does that mean you feel more like a man now?"

Jay hesitated while applying the ointment on his shoulder and gave him a quick glance. "Something like that, yes."

"Does it change something for you? Do you feel much different? I mean, tell me if that's too personal. I'm just curious."

A heavy sigh left Jay, but she smiled nevertheless. "It changes some things but I'm still Jay. I'm not a different person, but at the same time some things are different. I know, it must sound pretty silly."

It took a while for Cole to think about it, but finally he shook his head. "Sometimes I feel pretty good talking, joking or laughing with the guards at the prison. But there are also times I wish they wouldn't even notice me and would just leave me alone. My dad didn't understand it. He asked me why I suddenly were so different but I didn't have an answer. I just felt like that."

Jay hold still for a moment and when Cole turned his head, he saw, that ... he? ... was it he now? – well, he would stick with he at the moment – he bit his lower lip and stared at his shoulder, his hands still on Cole's skin.

"Maybe it's silly to compare your situation with mine. It just came to my mind," said Cole quietly.

"Yeah," Jay replied hesitantly. "I mean, it's not quite the same. I have to deal with my body and visual appearance that might or might not fit to what I feel like ... to who I am. But maybe it's a good way to understand it slightly." His hands began to massage Cole's shoulder and upper arm.

"So uhm, should I use he and him now, when I refer to you?"

Jay nodded. "If you would?"

"Yeah, okay. I can do that."

"And what do you think now?"

Cole looked up, but Jay's gaze was fixed on his shoulder. "Think? About what?"

"Do my clothes make any difference how you ... how you think about me?"

"Hm." That was a really tricky question. Cole hadn't thought about that so far. Of course, he had now accepted that Jay wore dresses, even when his body was that of a man. He had also accepted, that Jay really felt like a woman. Though, were his feelings still the same for Jay, now, when he clearly looked and talked like a man? Did he still feel the same tingling sensation in his stomach? Cole was buffled how easy he found the answer: yes, he did. Nothing had changed. He turned around and reached for Jay's hands. "Jay, whenever I look at your face, I see the same adorable freckles as every day."

Jay's gaze leaped up and Cole raised a hand to gently stroke his cheek. "I can still see theses deep blue eyes and the stunning auburn hair. I mean, your voice sounds a bit different this evening, but I still see and hear you. So, how could I not still think the same about you? You are you and that's all that ever matters for me."

Still, Jay didn't seem convinced. His lips were slightly open and his eyes asked for reassurance, but what else could Cole do to prove him that he loved him, no matter what happened? How could he make him believe he was telling the truth?

Cole felt his heart desperately aching and the only answer he found was, to be more straight forward. And even when he felt anxious about the consequences, he felt that the time has come. He took a last glance at Jays widened eyes, but he couldn't stop anymore. He had been holding himself back way too long! And without further hesitation, he closed the gap between them and placed a gentle kiss on Jay's lips. "I loved you from the very first time I saw you, Jay. And nothing will ever change that", he whispered and waited with a wildly beating heart for any signs from the other man.

A few second passed and it seemed like Jay had turned into stone. Cole's stomach seized up painfully, but he forced himself to hold still and wait.

"You ... you love me?" Jay asked after some seconds, that had felt like hours for Cole.

"Yeah, I do."

Jay blinked a few times and his eyes widened. He looked like someone who finally found the answer for something he had thought about for ages before. "You love me!" he repeated and Cole gave him a mildly tortured look.

"That's what I told you."

"But you still gave me my own room in your house?"

"Of course." He tried to smile, but he was in anguish. "I don't expect you to have the same feelings for me, so, of course, I don't expect you to share a room with me."

"But is that ... is that the reason why you married me?"

Cole shook his head. "No, Jay. The reason I married you was, that I didn't want you to die." 

Jay's lips trembled and he shook his head. "I ... I don't get it. Why do you ... why would you ..." He closed his eyes. "Oh, I see. Now I'm yours, right?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't want to lie to you: the thought of being your husband was great. But that doesn't mean that I see you as my property or that you owe me something. I just want you to be happy, no matter what that means for me."

"Yeah, sure!"

Cole noticed, that Jay's fingers glided absent-mindedly across the dagger. It didn't look like he was about to use it against Cole, not at the moment, but a tiny voice in his head warned him to be careful. "Jay?" he asked quietly.

"No, I understand now. I mean, even when you don't intend to force me to something, I can't choose now. I'm married to you and no one would ever dare touching me. I can be yours or life alone," he huffed. "How incredibly convenient for you!"

"You had the choice between death and a life as an impure person. And you knew that. I never told you any lies, did I?" Cole bit his lip to avoid saying more than that. It had been Jay's decision to take his hand and he couldn't blame him for that! Cole didn't feel like he pressured him in any way. Nevertheless it bothered him that Jay thought in that way, so he decided to offer him a way out: "If you want to leave and live on your own now, I ..." he took a deep breath and tried not to look too desperate, even when the sole thought of losing Jay cut off his air. "I'll let you go if that is your wish. You could return to your old house or go wherever you want to."

Jay's eyes darted up and met his gaze. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I ... I told you, that I love you and want you to be happy. That's the most important thing for me. Believe me, I didn't offered you a way to safe your life only to let you suffer."

The deep blue eyes searched for signs of an ambush. Cole tried to smile. "I really mean it. If you want to leave, you're free to go where ever you want."

"I see," Jay muttered and bit his lower lip. "So you would rather be left alone than hurting me?"

He couldn't help but lower his gaze and nod. It was absolutely true that he would give anything for Jay. He couldn't even explain why he felt so intense for this person he barely knew, but it was nothing than the truth. "I'd be incredibly happy if you could start seeing me as a friend and not your enemy."

Jay remained silent but his hands started rubbing Cole's shoulder again. 

Cole enjoyed the gentle massage while he tried not to think about the future. He knew it was all up to Jay now. But he took it for a good sign that the other man stayed with him at the moment. His confession must have been quite a shock.

"You know," Jay muttered after a while and his fingers pressed gently Cole's nape. "I'm really impressed that you didn't yell at me after all the things I said."

"Why should I? I can offer you much, but I can't force you to accept it. It's up to you now."

"So you really mean it? You leave it up to me if I want to be with you and in what kind of way?"

Cole hummed softly to confirm and Jay seemed to think about it. "I ... I don't want to leave you, Cole. I mean, why would I? It could be much worse. It only needs a few pieces of cake and a belly rub and you're purring like a kitten." He stood up, but turned around to him. "That's quite convenient! Good night, Cole!"

"Good ... good night!" was his quick response before the other man left the room, leaving him all alone, confused and with a funny feeling in his stomach. He had absolutely no idea what that was supposed to mean but he was willing to find it out.


	8. Progress

"Do you still prefer he and him today?"

It was the next morning and Jay sat behind Cole on his bed and treated him with some of the ointment from last night. "Yes. I'm still gonna wear a dress today, though, because I have to buy some groceries."

"I see."

"Uhm ... maybe we can have lunch together?"

Cole's heart leaped for joy. "Really? You'd really come and visit me at work? I thought you'd never want to see this building ever again."

A little giggle left Jays throat and he gently tilted Cole's head to him by laying a hand under his chin. "Why? The worst thing that happened to me there was, that they cut my hair. I mean, everything else wasn't quite a pleasure but I think I got over it."

"Your hair, yes", growled Cole. "I'm still mad about that."

"So am I", Jay whispered and scooted a bit closer. "But it'll grow again. No worries." His fingers moved to Cole's cheek, then to his hair, gently stroking it. "I guess you'd look great with a ponytail.

"Y... you think so?" he asked breathlessly, twisting his upper body a little bit more towards Jay. He had already noticed, that Jay seemed to seek physical contact and he was way more flirty than ever before. Although he wasn't quite sure why, he appreciated this sudden change of mind.

"Mhm." Jay raised another hand and started to tie Cole's hair into a ponytail. When he stopped, he looked at him and smiled. "You really look stunning. I'm sure you'd have every girl in town after you."

Cole smirked. "I doubt it and thank you, but I'm not interested. I don't want any girl!"

"So?" Jay let go of his hair. He smiled and his cheeks were pink. "What else do you want?"

Cole couldn't take his eyes off Jay and he was pretty sure that the other man tried to flirt with him but he was too anxious to be straight forward. What if he was wrong? What if Jay just tried to be friendly and he misinterpreted this into something more? His heart pounded strong against his rips and his palms felt wet, when he decided to push his luck a little bit. He leaned his forehead against Jay's and whispered: "If you want me to wear a ponytail I'll do it for you, but not for others."

A soft whimper came over Jay's lips. "You ... you really would?"

Instead of answering, Cole moved his head a bit to the side and pressed his lips gently on Jay's. The other man gasped, but when Cole tried to pull back, Jay's fingers moved to Cole's nape and didn't let him go.

He noticed that Jay breathed more strongly and his digits trembled slightly, but just when he was about to say something reassuring, he felt Jay's lips again. A gentle, questioning kiss, asking for more.

Ignoring his aching shoulder, Cole put his arms around the other man, pulled him closer and responded to his tentative kiss. Although he had planned not to rush anything, he felt that Jay was waiting for him to take the initiative and so he did. His tongue tapped against Jays lips and his hands moved a bit down to his hips. Jay whimpered again but opened his mouth willingly. Their tongues danced gently and Cole released a tiny moan. Everything felt hot and thousands of tiny butterflies seemed to flutter through his body, beginning at his tongue, ending at his toes. He felt like in those weird dreams he had had as a child. Those dreams where he climbed at the top of the highest mountains, or where he was able to spread his arms and fly through the sky, together with the falcons and eagles. Everything felt so surreal but wonderful at the same time!

Far too quickly the moment had passed and their lips parted. Jay's face was flushing red and he breathed heavily. "That was," he interrupted himself and slid back a little, but he didn't seem to mind that Cole's hands still lay on his hips.

"Awful?" Cole asked jokingly but was hoping fervently Jay hadn't hated it.

A sly smile appeared on the other man's lips. "That's not the word I'm looking for, but thank you. I'd rather say exciting."

"So, you liked it?" Cole put all his hopes in this question and felt an icy hand around his heart, squeezing and torturing it, while Jay seemed to think about this question. But when he finally smiled and nodded, Cole pulled him into a tight embrace. Relief flow through his entire body, melted the icy hand and filled his heart with bright shining joy.

"Cole, you're crushing me!", Jay squealed laughing.

Cole released him immediately and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I guess I got a bit carried away."

"You ... you have some quite impressive muscles." Jay's fingers caressed Cole's biceps. "No wonder I was so worried when you first brought me here."

"You thought I might hurt you?"

Jay nodded hesitantly. "I was convinced you wanted me to sleep with you and with each day that went by, I got more nervous and I asked myself why you hadn't done anything yet."

It was hard for Cole to hear what Jay had thought about him, but he understood how horrible it must have been to not know what might happen the next time they met.

He gently placed a hand under Jay's chin and kissed him on the forehead. A little smile was his reward. "That must have been awful!"

"It was frightening. But then I learned, that you are nothing more than a huge teddy bear."

Cole chuckled. "Teddy bear? Kitten? What comes next?"

"I dunno? Do you want me to give you a pet name?"

"Maybe someday. Let's not rush it, okay?"

Jay smiled softly. "You should hurry up now. You're already late."

About this new and absolutely welcome development, Cole had indeed forgotten the time, so he jumped up and took his grey coat out of the closet. "Don't forget to wear the coat I gave you, when you leave the house, so others will recognize you as the hangman's wife." He turned around and hesitated. Jay's blue eyes were so bright and his smile so beautiful, Cole couldn't resist and kissed him once more. So gentle and sweet! He wished, he could just stay here and continue what they had just begun, but suddenly Jay pushed him a bit away.

"You're late. Go now!" he said with the cutest smile Cole had ever seen.

~~~

It was hard for Cole to concentrate on his duties today and when the church clock finally announced the noon, Cole rushed outside and found Jay waiting for him in front of the church. He was chatting with Pater Zane and didn't see him coming, so Cole just stand there for a couple of minutes and admired him. Jay wore his mother's dress and the grey coat he had given to him. His beautiful auburn hair was hid under a cream-colored bonnet. Jay looked so good, that Cole was completely lost in thought, when someone cleared their throat behind him.

"Master Hence, isn't she already your wife? You don't have to admire her from afar, you know?"

Cole laughed and gave the guard behind him a small nod. "I know, Jacob."

"Man, you really got it bad, huh?"

A bright grin spread over his face and he nodded. "You know what? And that's the best thing that could happen: Being crazy about the person you're married to."

The guard laughed and finally Jay turned his head and saw Cole. He said goodbye to the priest and came over to him. His cheeks were pink and his eyes filled with joy. "Ah, there you are! Let's go inside. I'm already starving!"

They climbed up the stairs and retreated to the kitchen chamber. While Cole put the tea water on the stove, Jay told him about his day. Like a waterfall the words gushed out of his mouth, until Cole's head was spinning and he didn't know anymore what Jay had said a moment ago.

"Hold on, Jay," he said grinning and when Jay finally stopped talking, he pulled him into a tight embrace.

Jay gasped and stiffened for a brief moment but when Cole pressed him against the table behind him and kissed his beautiful pink lips, he loosened up a bit.

"What are you doing?" he asked breathlessly and Cole chuckled.

"You're talking too much, dear!"

He snorted, but when Cole's tongue tapped against his lips, he opened his mouth and melted into the kiss.

Warm hands brushed slowly across Cole's chest and left a tingling feeling wherever they touched him. It felt like a dream and Cole was afraid of suddenly awakening and realizing that nothing was true. But Jay's muffled moans and his warmth against his own body proofed him, that it was anything but a dream.

He couldn't tell how long they were standing there, kissing and gently touching each other, when someone opened the door and stepped in.

"Oh," the intruder laughed. "Wow, I didn't know you had a whore here to bang. You can hand her over for me when you're done."

Cole didn't have to turn around to know which nag had just entered the room. "Shut your smart-ass mouth, Nadakhan," he growled without looking back. He still hoped, this guy would just go. "And show some respect! Jade and I are married."

"Married? Oh, I don't mind. Would bang her nevertheless. She looks cute and I have a thing for tall women." The guy grabbed a chair and threw himself on it.

"That's enough!" Cole clenched his fists and turned around. "You are not talking about my partner in that dirty way!"

"Fine, don't make such a fuss, boy! It's just a woman."

At first Cole had thought that Jay was shocked about this nasty guy, but in fact it was Jay who found his voice first: "I don't think you could handle me. And, by the way, you're disturbing. This room isn't meant for some runaway mercenary like you. So pack your nasty ass and get out of here before my husband makes you fly through the window."

Both, Cole and Nadakhan, stared at Jay and much to Cole's amazement, the old mercenary actually got up and went to the door. "Easy, easy young lady," he muttered. "I'm right on my way. Just wanted to say hello to my old friends in the barracks. Tsh! These girls today! I feel really pitty for you, Hence! Beauty is not everything, you'll see! But there's nothing a good old spank on the ass wouldn't cure. Think about my advice!" He shook his head and slammed the door.

"Wow," Cole muttered and blinked in confusion. "That was unexpected."

Jay snorted and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "You're welcome, honey!"

"But how did you ..."

"I know him. I guess he didn't recognize me because he just saw me in trousers before."

Cole still didn't quite understand what had just happened here. The shy and mostly friendly Jay had just expelled an old, grim mercenary from the room? How the heck was that possible? But at the same time he felt a sudden pain in his heart. Why did Jay know such a scumbag? "Where did you meet him?"

"Huh?"

"Nadakhan. You said, you know him."

"Oh, yes. He used to loiter around my house. That was the reason why I wore trousers all day and asked pater Zane to visit me more often. He didn't do anything bad, but I didn't trust him. And one day he just disappeared."

"Yeah, he's just a good-for-nothing with some connections. I was glad that he had an order somewhere else, so he couldn't hang around here anymore, but I guess he's back now."

Jay nodded and made a gesture, that Cole should sit down at the table. "Let's forget about this scumbag and enjoy our lunch okay?"

"Good idea!" He pulled back the chair next to Jay and was pleased, when he smiled at him while handing him over a plate with some cold meat and freshly baked bread. "But may I add one thing? It was very impressive how you put that guy in his place and ... and it felt really great that you called me your husband."

Jay laughed and placed his hand on Cole's. "Well, after you avoided calling me your wife, I thought, I could return the favor and use a word you'd like to hear."

"So, you noticed?"

"You're always so endeavored. I've never thought that I might meet someone who tries to understand me and respect me for what I am."

"Of course I do," he whispered and smiled happily. 

The simple meal tasted so much better now and when Jay started to blabber the whole time, Cole couldn't help but smile. Even when he felt a mild headache, it was all worth it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end, but a few chapters are left. I don't really know if I'm able to update next Monday/Tuesday. Maybe it will take a bit longer since I haven't written the following parts yet. We will see :)
> 
> Stay safe and healthy everyone!


	9. One big and two small problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This episode is a bit ... uhm ... steamy. Not really NSFW but ... hot. Enjoy :)

"Hey Cole?" Jay stood at the door and lurked into the room. He held a pillow and the pot with ointment in his hands. It was already late but he wasn't dressed for the night and wore still his blue dress and the bonnet. 

"Huh?" Cole made and smiled a bit.

"Uhm you seemed to be a bit stiff today. So I thought I could treat your shoulder once more?"

"Well, it still hurts," Cole answered, but he was more confused and curious about the pillow. "What's that for?"

Jay blushed heavily and it took a while before he stepped into the room and answered the question. "Well, uhm, there was someone outside the house the last few nights."

"What? Who?" asked Cole and frowned. He couldn't believe he hadn't notice something like that.

"I'm not quite sure." Jay shrugged. "Pater Zane told me that he had heard rumors about someone spying on us. And if they notice that I," he stopped immediately and his eyes went dark. "I think I shouldn't be sleeping in a separate room."

"Why should someone care ... oh!" Cole remembered that some people still believed Jay was an evil witch who might have cast a spell over him to save her own life. "Oh, I see. But do you really think someone will notice where you sleep?"

"I," he stopped and cleared his throat. It seemed like he didn't know what to say while his face was flushing red. "If you don't mind, I would prefer to sleep here. It ... it feels much safer."

Cole blinked a few times. Was he dreaming? Did Jay really want to sleep next to him to feel more secure? "Uhm sure, make yourself at home!"

Jay took a deep, relieved breath and threw his pillow on the bed. "Thank you. And now take off your shirt."

A little laughter tickled in Cole's throat, but Jay didn't seem to notice his poor choice of words, so he tried to ignore the dirty thoughts and bad jokes his brain spat out. Instead he did what he was told and took off his shirt.

While Jay treated his shoulder with the fragrant ointment, Cole thought a lot about the past few days and the newest development between him and his ... his ... husband? What a strange word ... and what a strange concept behind it. Jay did what every good wife would do: taking care of the household and family. But nevertheless Cole was certain Jay wouldn't like to be called a wife - his wife! At least not at the moment. But what about the word and concept of a husband? Sure, Cole fulfilled the archetypal characteristics for that: He was the one who earned money for his daily work and provided the family and it was his house where they lived in. But did that make him more of a husband than Jay? Should he maybe consider to invent a new word? Partner? He had already used that term for Jay once. But it still didn't feel right.

"What are you thinking?" Jay asked quietly.

"Uhm nothing."

"Uh-uh," made Jay. "You're not so stiff from nothing. Your muscles feel hard like stone."

Cole took a deep breath and turned his head. Jay's gaze was so warm and full of friendliness, that his heart skipped a beat. This kind of open and warm look was it, that had made him fall for Jay once, and every time he saw him anew. "I thought about us and our ... well our," he shrugged and searched for a better word but wasn't able to finde one, so he just gave up and used the common description. "Our relationship."

"Oh," Jay chuckled. "You mean because I asked you to sleep here?"

"Wha-? No!" Cole huffed and scooted uncomfortably to the side, away from Jay. "I just try to understand why you changed your mind about me in only one night and what that means."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, the one moment you're accusing me of tricking you into this marriage and in the next moment you were all flirty and kissed me back. I ... I just don't know what that means." It was true that he didn't quite understand Jay's motives but only after his words had left his mouth, he realized how much it had bothered him and that this question had tortured him so much more than the husband-wife-issue itself.

Jay scratched his head and shrugged. "Well uhm, maybe I should've apologized earlier. I said a lot of stupid things about you and that wasn't fair at all. I was just so ... so desperate and hurt. I'm really sorry for everything bad I implied, Cole. And I can assure you, that I never thought something like that about you after we first met. I thought you were quite interesting and ... and some kind of cute." He blushed so hard that some of his freckles seemed to disappear.

"Cute?"

"Yeah."

He laughed. "I doubt someone'd ever called me cute!"

Jay leaped up and went straight to the window, staring outside, softly bouncing up and down on his feet. "I ... I know it sounds crazy. I ... I really liked you from the beginning but I never thought too much about it since we could never be together for obvious reasons."

"And now we are." Cole smiled and Jay nodded without looking back.

"Yeah. Now we are."

Cole watched him standing at the window, one hand on the frame and the other clenched on his side. Normally Cole was really good in reading other peoples body language but with Jay it was different. He wasn't quite sure about the other man's feelings, so he stood up and came close behind him to the window, being careful not to touch him. "And do you just try to make the best out of this situation or do you really want this?" he whispered.

"I," Jay tensed for a brief moment but relaxed immediately when Cole caressed his shoulders. "I guess I need some time to adjust to all of this. You must know I've never thought about having a real relationship or even getting married. I really wanted to but I thought I had to hide myself for the rest of my life. Though, I saw myself in the future as crazy old lady, living in the woods with a bunch of wild chicken around the house and a dozen cats in the living room to ease the loneliness."

In admiration Cole's fingers stroked across the fine line of auburn hair at Jay's nape. Since Jay still wore his hair under the cream colored bonnet, Cole could see that his soft touches caused goose bumps on his skin. "And now you don't have to be lonely anymore." He placed a kiss on Jay's neck and chuckled when he heard the other man gasping. "You can still have your chickens and cats if you want to, but I'll be there if you decide to let me be with you."

A soft whimper escaped Jay and he leaned against Cole's bare chest. "I ... Cole, wait," he muttered. "There's someone out there in the garden."

Cole had already spottet the dark little point. It was far too motionless to be a part of the hedge that softly swayed in the wind, so he figured, it must be the person who spied on them. The question was, what exactly they were looking for. Cole had his suspicions: Since no one seemed to know or assume that Jay wasn't a woman, they most likely tried to find out if their marriage was real. And, Cole had to admit, since they hadn't fully consummated the wedding by sleeping with each other, they were legally right. He was now aware that the people would be suspicious when Jay spent the night in a separate room or no one ever saw anything happen between them. Sure, how could they? No one was going to watch them in their bedroom, but the sheer way they interacted in public or, when someone spied through the windows, could tell a lot about their relationship. "Yes, I see it too. Don't look in that direction." He kissed Jay's nape once more and whispered: "Do you trust me, Jay?"

A shiver run through the other man's body but he nodded. "What ... what are you gonna do?"

"Setting up a little show for our spectator. Just trust me okay?"

"O... okay!"

Once more Cole's lips caressed Jay's neck, placed little kisses all over the bare skin, while his hands grabbed the smaller man's hips and forced him to turn around. Again, his cheeks were fiery red and his bright blue eyes widened. A small gasp escaped him, when Cole lifted him up with ease and sat him on the small windowsill, pressing himself between Jay's legs.

"Cole!" he whined and shifted awkwardly, but hold still immediately when he felt Cole's breath against his ear and his hands lifting the skirt up to his thighs. "Wha... what are you doing?"

He sounded breathless and Cole couldn't help but chuckle when he pushed his luck a little bit more and started nibbling on Jay's earlobe. A wonderful half suppressed moan was his reward. "Oh? You like that?"

"No!" was the immediate answer, but Jay's body told his word's lies: His back arched and brought their lower bodys closer together. No, there really was no doubt he liked it!

Cole was about to say something but was completely lost for words when Jay wrapped his legs around his waist, pulling him even closer.

"You wanna play a game, huh?" He asked with a sly smirk. "Don't take your win for granted!"

"Oh, I'd love to see you lose, my little blue-jay!" Cole whispered, licking and sucking at Jay's neck, absorbing all the tiny little noises of pleasure that escaped the smaller man's beautiful pink lips. He was fully aware, that Jay tried to pull away and kiss him, but he just grabbed him harder and continued to cover every inch of Jay's wonderful soft skin with kisses, saliva and tiny blue marks. Jay squirmed and rubbed his body against Cole but he wasn't strong enough to escape his firm grip. Well, at least Cole suspected, that he didn't really try to bring a lot of distance between them. He seemed to really like being held down and, to Cole's surprise, that was something that made his heart race and his loins reacting in the most inappropriate but suitable way he could think about. But no matter what he tried, he wasn't able to hide his growing problem, since the other man kept grinding and pressing his agil body against him. There was no way he didn't recognize the growing bulge in Cole's pants, but he didn't seem to mind. Quite the contrary: it seemed to spur Jay on. And, if his imagination wasn't running wild, Jay seemed to have the same kind of 'problem' he already had.

Cole gasped and moaned against Jay's bare skin, sending shivers down his spine. His shaking fingers unfastened the many hair pins that held Jay's hair and the bonnet in place. He knew, he might have missed some but couldn't wait any longer, pulling the piece of starched linen down and letting Jay's wonderful auburn hair flow down. A few strands tickled Cole's face and the scent of wild lavender filled the air. "Mhh, you smell so good!" He finally let Jay a bit more room, so he was able to lean back and look him in the eyes. A feverish glance and a cocky smirk revealed how much he enjoyed their little game. "You're not as innocent as you pretend to be, huh?"

"And you're not as gentle as you pretend to be?" Jay asked and leaned in for an almost shy little peck on Cole's lips.

"If you want to know, you have to find it out," he replied innocently, but pressed his lower body part once more against Jay's. His fingers tucked in his long, soft hair, pulling it a tad bit.

Jay moaned with small, lust-darkened eyes and Cole's heart leaped for excitement. Never had he ever expected to be in such an exciting and wonderful situation with the love of his life. But here they were, and even when it was nothing but show, he savored every single second being near to Jay. Despite being all happy for that situation, he knew that he probably shouldn't continue. It felt like a big challenge to not just take what he desperately desired, despite the risk of hurting Jay and the soft tie between them. "Do you, uhm, do you think it worked?" he asked, remembering himself why they were doing this.

"Huh?" Jay and blinked in confusion. "Oh uhm, yeah. I guess we're a good team."

His giggles sounded nervous and Cole smirked. It seemed he was not the only one who got a bit carried away. He pressed Jay once more against the window and kissed him fiercely and Jay laid his arms around his neck and reciprocated the kiss with a tiny moan.

Neither of them seemed to be in a hurry ending their intimate encounter and it felt less and less possible for Cole to let his loved one's pink lips go. They were so sweet and soft like rose petals. Jay's lovely scent filled his whole mind, so he lost track of time and space. All that matters was this hot and agile body, pressed against his, the soft suppressed moans and sighs in his mouth and the tingling sensations their dancing tongues caused in his stomach. Oh god, how had he fallen so hard for this man? He had never thought that it was even possible to love someone that desperately and truly like he did with Jay. And when he had thought, he couldn't lose his mind much more, Jay taught him that it was indeed possible when he started sucking at Cole's tongue.

Cole released a deep and desperate whimper and his grip around Jay's waist tightened.

A deep, growling voice mumbled: "You really should stop now!" and it took a while for him too understand that it was indeed his own husky voice, whispering that last warning. He was indeed about to lose himself!

"But what, if I don't want to?" Jay's sapphire blue eyes glistened and it demanded a lot from Cole not to lose his self-control.

Once more he kissed his lover's lips, pressed their bodys tight together and liftet Jay up. With a rough and almost careless jerk, he pulled the curtains in front of the window and shut their stalker out.

Without breaking the kiss Cole carried his husband to the bed and sat himself on the mattress. Jay sat still on his lap and when he finally released him, they both breathed heavily and smiled. Somehow the intimate moment was broken and brought them back into reality.

"I really didn't expect this evening to be so ... hot," said Jay jokingly. "But what are we doing with this," he made a vague gesture. "This problems now?"

"I guess, I didn't think that through properly," Cole admitted, stroking Jay's hair back behind his ear.

"Yeah, I already guessed you're not much of a thinker."

Cole snorted and poked his index finger between the smaller man's rips, leaving him giggling and squirming on his lap.

"I just thought we could deal with the problem - I mean the one outside - without making a fuzz. Who would've guessed that you're all in for ... for being so ... so ..."

"Naughty?" Jay suggested with the most innocent smile.

Again Cole snorted and pulled the other man into a gentle, almost shy kiss. It seemed, that was all it needed to make Jay weak: He melted into Cole's tight embrace and kissed him back without any hesitation.

"I guess I have an idea how to deal with our other problems," he mumbled between two more than seductive kisses and pushed Cole down on the mattress. "As long as you are up to a bit more ... uhm ... naughtiness?"

It sounded too good to be true and Jay's beautiful sapphire eyes shone and glimmered mysteriously and promising. How could he say no? "I'm all yours, love," he whispered smiling and his heart leaped for joy when the other man started to losen the laces on his dress. The sudden and hungry gaze Jay gave him, made Cole wonder if they would find time to sleep tonight and he was more than willing to find it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this part took so long. I hope the last chapter (I think it will be the last one, but who knows, maybe I have to split it) will be up in one or two weeks.


	10. I trust you

"I've never thought you might be such a gentle person."

"Huh?" Cole looked up from the book he was reading and blinked in confusion.

"Well, yes," Jay shrugged. "I thought as someone who knows how to torture people and break their bones, you must be a person hard like stone." He stopped and scratched his head. "I ... uhm ... I mean without emotions, you know?"

Cole huffed and gave Jay a funny look. "Well, if you want me to be harder on you, I can do that. But I, on the other hand, don't think you would have liked that until now. You looked like a wounded deer during the previous weeks."

"What?" Jay pouted and shook his head. "That's not true. And for your information: You would be cautious too when a bear tries to marry you although he learned that you are a man and not a woman."

"A bear?" A deep growling laugh shook Cole's torso but he tried to hold it back. He wondered if Jay knew that he had just admitted that he had been frightened by him. "So you thought I'm someone who could do strange things to you?"

"Uhm," his cheeks turned deep red and his eyes wandered to the crackling fire in the fireplace. "Maybe ... uhm ... maybe something like that."

"Is that so?" His heart ached a bit and he felt nauseous. The thought that Jay had been afraid of him was terrible and hurt more than he could tell. He tried to hide his emotions but the other man seemed to notice them nevertheless.

With a deep sigh Jay stood up, came over to him and sat on his lap. The gentle smile almost drove Cole out of his mind and when Jay's fingers run through his hair he closed his eyes. Oh, how much he loved that! His nausea was almost forgotten.

Tender lips caressed his neck while skilled fingers opened the lacing of his shirt and nestled through the ligaments into his dark chest hair.

Cole couldn't help but moan softly.

"Uhm Jay?" he asked breathless. "That ... that's dangerous, you know?"

"Don't you like it? Should I stop?"

The warm breath against his ear made him shiver and gave him goosebumps. Hell no! He wanted anything but Jay to stop. The only question was, how much patience he could bring up with the person he loved on his lap, caressing him in such an amazing, intimate way. "But don't say I didn't warn you," he whispered.

Again Jay's fingers brushed across his chest and his lips caressed Cole's ear. "So? What will the little kitten do to me?"

"Kitten?" Something in Cole snapped. He pushed Jay away, grabbed his waist and lifted him effortlessly from his lap, putting him in front of his armchair.

Jay gasped and his eyes flickered nervously, but he stayed put.

As much as Cole tried to be calm, but the challenging and at the same time angsty look Jay gave him, made him furious. No. That wasn't quite the right word: he felt the need to show Jay that he couldn't talk with him in that manner! He stood up and grinned as Jay flinched back. "You really want me to show you, huh?" he growled.

"You don't dare ..."

Cole interrupted him with a laughter. "Want me to proof it?" Without any hesitation he shoved Jay against a wall and slid his skirt up while kissing him fiercely. With both hands he lifted him up and placed the squirming man on his hips, without interrupting the kiss.

Jay panted and tried to push Cole away, but the hangman caught his wrists and pinned them to the wall, right above Jays head.

He pressed his hips against Jay so he couldn't slide down. A loud moan escaped the smaller male's mouth and Cole paused. "So? The cat's got the bluejay, huh?"

"Bl... bluejay?"

"Don't you think that's a good name for you? My cute little birdie?"

Jay's eyes twitched and he opened his mouth. For sure he planned to say something nasty or smart, but when Cole bit his neck and sucked the sensitive skin right under Jay's ear, the other man seemed lost for words. Instead of playful little banters, a soft whimper escaped his mouth.

"Sing for me, little Jay-bird," he whispered, inspecting the quickly bruising spot on his lovers neck. "Sing for me like you did last night." He pulled away, a cocky little smirk on his lips, observing the lust darkened blue eyes in front of him, the tenderly parted lips and the squirming mess Jay had turned into. Oh yes, after only one night which they'd spent together, he already knew how to push Jay's buttons. But Cole was more than sure that there was a lot more to discover. But for now he was quite certain that Jay enjoyed being a sassy brat. The only question was whether he could live with the consequences.

At the same time, a tiny voice in Cole's head asked, if maybe Cole himself wasn't strong enough to be the dominant part of their relationship. For a brief second, he froze. What if he wasn't able to be what Jay wanted? What he needed? He didn't have any experiences. Not only was Jay his first love but also his first in everything. First kiss, first partner, first ... well yeah, just everything. Jay seemed way more experienced. He knew what to do in bed and it had been so fulfilling and great. But what if he needed someone on his level?

Jay's hand glided over Cole's cheek and brought him back to reality. "Are you alright?"

"Uhm yeah." His lips formed a smile but he didn't feel happy at all. "I'm okay," he lied.

"You don't have to hide it when you don't feel comfortable, you know?"

A little nod was all he could do, but Jay didn't seem to be really convinced, so he smiled again and kissed his cheek. "I guess I was just shocked about my own behavior."

"Huh? Why? Was something wrong with it?"

Cole huffed and ruffled Jay's hair. "So you don't mind me being rough to you? And on the other hand that I don't really know what I'm doing? I mean, I didn't ... I ... uhm ..."

Jay chuckled and interrupted his senseless babbling by placing a little kiss on his nose. "It's okay Cole! I'd tell you if I don't like it. To be honest, it was quite exciting."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. So, are you okay?"

He hesitated but finally nodded. "Just tell me if I ever do something wrong okay?"

"Don't worry, I'll tell you, but I don't think it'll be necessary. I ... I trust you."

Cole couldn't help but smile and kiss his lovers beautiful pink lips. "Thank you, Jay," he whispered and leaned his forehead against Jay's. "I trust you too!"

It was scary and wonderful at the same time that Jay was finally able to gain confidence in Cole. After weeks of silence and hidden fear it almost felt like a dream now.

"Cole?"

"Huh?"

"Your ... your words uhm ..." Jay blushed and his fingers drummed in a nervous rhythm on Cole's shoulder. "I ... I mean, if you really want to, bring me upstairs and ..." He stopped and it seemed like he tried to take courage before he ended his sentence. "And I'll sing for you the whole night."

Cole chuckled. "More of a nightingale than a bluejay, huh?"

"Maybe." Jay smiled and his cheeks turned bright red. "I really enjoyed our delayed wedding night. So, if you want ...?"

Bright blue eyes looked at him and a tiny, almost shy little smile appeared on Jay's lips. Cole's insecurities melted away and left nothing than pure joy. Hell yes! And how he wanted! Without further words he lifted Jay up and carried him out of the living room, up the stairs and into their bedroom, knowing that this night wouldn't end so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new update! I'm so sorry it took me ages but this year is simply crazy! The next three parts are almost ready to be posted I just have to rearrange a few things but it won't take much time. I hope you all enjoyed reading and I promise there will be interesting things coming soon ;)


	11. A woman's worth

It was the first time in forever that Jay felt relieved and happy. Now it seemed ridiculous that he had been afraid of Cole in the first place. His husband was a good guy. 

His husband ... 

Jay smiled.

He hung the bucket he was carrying on the hook at the well and cranked until he heard the soft splash that told him the vessel had reached the water. He waited for it to fill up and meanwhile he was thinking about his new life. He had never imagined that he might get married someday. Even a regular partner seemed far out of his reach. And now? Now he had a husband, a house, a few chicken and as a big bonus he was accepted for who he was and had someone to share the bed with.

Okay, in return he had to abandon his status and was now considered as impure but to be honest it hadn't really bothered him that much. He wasn't quite sure if it was because of Cole or since he didn't mind other peoples opinions, but nevertheless he felt happy now. After so long he was just satisfied with his simple life. 

Sure, Cole seemed a bit inexperienced and therefore quite overcautious but Jay was certain the time would help him to overcome his concerns. At least Jay was quite good in pushing others egos, so he had no doubt that he was able to ease Cole's nerves and help him gaining some self-confidence.

After all he was just glad that fate had brought him and the hangman together. Not only was Cole a really good looking man, he also suited Jay's taste with his soft raven black hair and the beautiful charcoal eyes. Anyways, everyone must admit, Cole was quite handsome! He had a prominent jawbone, broad shoulders and a well trained, muscular body. Well, he was one of the most muscular men Jay had ever met and that was quite impressive. Cole was just perfect!

Jay smiled but he also felt a little bit bad that he had only thought about Cole's looks. Of course Cole also had a good heart and a kind and gentle manner too! Jay had never seen all that in one person before. And another important, maybe the most important point was, that Cole was absolutely crazy for Jay. He adored him and he read every wish from his eyes. All in all: Cole was a real godsend and Jay could consider himself lucky for being pressured into this marriage.

He smiled and felt a warm tingling feeling in his chest. It was the first time in forever he felt safe, loved and happy all in once. Oh what a lucky person he was! Cole was perfect and maybe Jay would some day love him the same way Cole loved him now. Well, it wasn't unrealistic since he'd felt a strange connection to the hangman's boy when they had first met. Jay had been really disappointed after he had learned that the good-looking guy in the forest was someone from an impure family. So he had no longer tried to become friends with him. 

He wondered how different their lives could have gone if they would have had some kind of relationship beforehand.

With a deep and heavy sigh he turned the crank and tried to lift the filled bucket back up, but somehow it got stuck.

"Shoot," he muttered, grabbed the rope with both hands and pulled, but nothing happened. He heard the water sloshing against the wall, but nothing else. The bucket stuck down there.

"Oh, hello beautiful. Seems like you need some help,."

Jay's heart skipped a beat when the unfamiliar voice spoke up. He whirled around and looked at the stranger behind him. It took a few seconds until he finally recognized the man.

"Nardakhan," he shouted and his eyes widened in disbelieve. "Why are you here? If you're looking for Master Hence you came for nothing. He's at work."

The nasty guy's eyes glimmered mysteriously and in a strange, lecherous way that caused Jay's stomach to twist painfully. Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned Cole's absence, he thought concerned. But now it was too late.

With a few steps the old mercenary was next to Jay and tried to grab his wrist.

Jay hissed and closed his eyes but all that happened was, that the rope was pulled from his hands. He wasn't touched by the man, he just tried to loosen the stuck bucket.

It took Nardakhan a while and Jay stumbled back. It seemed that this guy was just trying to help him but the odd feeling in his guts remained. He saw the little glances Nardakhan throw at him from time to time and his smile reminded Jay of the broad, dangerous grin of a predator that saw its prey right in front of its eyes. Jay was absolutely sure that Nardakhan could smell his uncertainty and fear.

"There we go," he said and lifted the full bucket out of the well.

Without a word, Jay took the wooden vessel and took a step back. He just nodded as a small sign of gratitude and forced himself to turn around and go back to the front garden. He felt the guy's staring look in his back and goosebumps run all over his body when he heard footsteps behind him.

"You're not quite thankful, lady," he complained. "Could have offered me a drink or some of your delicious cake the hangman is always bragging about, ya know?"

'Why doesn't he just leave?' Jay thought and a freezing hand wrapped around his heart, squeezing it painfully and let his head spin. All his senses screamed that he was in great danger and he had to be very cautious. "The cake isn't ready yet and you could have snatched some water from the well if you're thirsty."

"Nah, water's for the horses. I thought about something with a lot more substance. Maybe ..."

"If you'll excuse me, I have work to do and my husband awaits me," Jay interrupted him and grabbed his basket and the apron that waited on the bench next to the front door. He hadn't planned to go to the city today but Nardakhan made him nervous and he felt uneasy in his presence. He saw Nardakhans dark eyes gliding over every inch of his body. Disgusting! It was so humiliating and frightening that he felt a cold shiver running over his skin.

"Sure, girl. See you soon!" He winked at Jay and followed the path that led to the forest behind the house.

Jay didn't wait until he arrived there. He turned around and had a hard time not to run.

~~~

It was about two days later that she saw Nardakhan again. He stood between some near trees and observed Jay while she was working in the garden. It was more than only creepy how he stand there and seemed to wait until Jay noticed him. He didn't try to hide that he was watching her and he even had the audacity to wave in her direction before he continued smoking his cigarette.

The piercing stench of the herbs hung in Jay's nose and she caught herself constantly and fearfully searching for this smell during the next weeks. Sometimes she even hallucinated and thought she noticed something although nobody could be there. At least she hoped so, but how could she be sure, when she realized that Nardakhan appeared as silent and mysterious as a ghost sometimes? She found him standing near the house, walking down the road or sitting on a tree stump whenever Cole wasn't around. 

Nardakhan seemed to be everywhere. He made no effort to do anything, but Jay assumed that it could just be a matter of time and he would, when she would be stupid enough to react to him. So she kept ignoring him.

Even when she was concerned, she decided to wait until Nardakhan would just lose interest on her. Anyways, she hadn't told her husband about it. But the more time passed, the more Nardakham was present and at some point Jay didn't dare to tell Cole about it. Her fear he might find it strange that she hadn't talked about it earlier and that he might think she'd enjoyed the other man's attention, burned like a shameful secret in her chest.

'He'll lose interest soon,' she just tried to convince herself and ignored the fearful little voice in her head, telling her that this damn mercenary might be dangerous.

~~~

About three weeks after the incident at the well, he sat on the bench when she returned from the market. Loaded with groceries, she had no choice but to walk past him and enter the house. All she could do was ignore him again.

She decided to leave the basket on the kitchen table and to head outside. But when Jay turned around, Nardakhan already leaned casually in the door frame and watched her with this tiny half sided smile that always gave her the creeps.

Her heart beat like a fast drum and her hands were wet. All her senses tingled.

"So," he stated, shut the door and took two large steps into the kitchen, so he stood directly in front of Jay.

"I didn't invite you!" Jay had trouble not to flinch away but she felt that she must appear strong. Somehow she was convinced that Nardakhan could sense her insecurity and fear, but the hell could crack open, Jay wouldn't show it!

"Sure." Nardakhan smirked. "I know what you are and I know what you want."

Cold as ice a hand reached for her heart and squeezed it painfully. How? How did he know? Jay had been so careful, hiding her body and even had refrained from wearing pants. So how could this nasty guy know anything about her? Except for ...

"You! You were the one spying on us", she shouted and shivered.

"Hah, beautiful and smart are we, huh?" The mercenary pushed her against the table and grabbed her wrist when she tried to run away. "But it's not good for a woman to be a smartass. Someone should put you in your place."

"So?" Hot anger boiled up in her and melted the ice that had paralyzed her a few seconds ago. She shook his hands off her and yelled: "You have the audacity to come in my home and threaten me? I ..."

A punch hit her face and threw her to the ground. Stars danced in front of her eyes and a loud snaring and a buzzing sound rang in her ears and let her remain lying dazed on the ground.

"It seems like I am the one to teach you your lesson when your husband isn't man enough to do it!" 

His spiteful laughter caused Jay nausea but the shock of being hit sat too deep, so all she could do was staring at Nardakhan and trying to process what just had happened.

"I know women like you. Nothing than vicious creatures, lascivious and rotten!"

"Screw you," spat Jay out and tried to get up, but he grabbed her by the collar and pulled her onto her feet.

Nardakhan clicked with his tongue. "What did you just say? That I'm right? That you are a little whore? Don't you think I know that you fuck with that priest. And what about the Smith's sister? Weren't you a bit too friendly and close with her? Yes, don't look at me with those big eyes! Your innocence ist nothing than hypocrisy!"

Jay was lost for words. She had never expected that Nardakhan hadn't exposed her, but thought about her being a ... a whore! "Get off me, you filthy dog!"

He laughed and shoved her on the table and spread her legs with his knee. "Don't act so innocent, beautiful! Just do some of the things you did to that hypocrite priest and no one will be hurt!"

Jay gasped but wasn't able to talk back, since the mercenary pressed his lips on hers and tried to force his tongue into her mouth.

Nausea rose in her stomach and tears shot in her eyes. She hated herself for not being able to shove him away. No matter what she did, he was too strong and as a skilled fighter he knew exactly how to held her down.

When his fingers grabbed for her skirt and tried to pull it up, she panicked and did the only thing she was able to do at that moment: She bit his tongue as hard as she could.

The taste of blood exploded in her mouth and she fell on the ground when Nardakhans fist hit her head. He screamed and called her names while he continuously kicked her in the stomach and against her ribs.

"Dirty whore! You really should have known where your place is!" He spat on the floor next to Jay.

Hot tears run down her cheeks and the sudden feeling of being lost paralyzed her thoughts and her body. She was absolutely sure that she'd not survive. Nardakhans eyes burned with hate and his evil grin told her, that he wouldn't show any mercy on a woman who dared to hurt and contradicted him.

As if to confirm her thoughts, he muttered: "I'll teach you a woman's worth, missi!"

'That's it! I'm gonna die!' she thought and closed her eyes. 'I'm so sorry Cole!'

A kick hit her head and sent her into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a great time and enjoyed the Christmas season despite the restrictions this year. 
> 
> Stay healthy and I wish you all a Happy New Year and all the best for the next 365 days!


	12. Burn it down

Jay's head ached when she woke up and somehow she wasn't able to open her eyes. Nevertheless her nose functioned very well.

'Did I forgot the cake in the oven?' was her first thought while the second thought called herself a fool for thinking she could have left something in the oven over night. At least Cole would have found and saved it, or not?

No, maybe not. He tended to forget and burn food quite often. But nevertheless something felt off. She had the strange feeling that she should hurry and wake up, so she forced herself to open her eyes. The light dazzled her and her mind couldn't grasp why she was laying on the kitchen floor.

She struggled up into a semi-sitting position and realized that her stomach and rips ached. It took a few seconds more until her memories came back.

Nardakhan!

Her heart stumbled with horror and, despite she was still on the ground, she felt like she was falling.

He had tried to sleep with her and then had knocked her unconscious!

Jay's gaze wandered around fearfully but she couldn't see him anywhere. He must have left before she had woken up. Relieved but still on guard she looked down and found half dried blood on her apron.

No, he wasn't there and, as long es she could tell, he hadn't touched her. It seemed like her clothes were still in place. But why? Hadn't it been her body that he had desired so much? So why hadn't he taken the opportunity? Sure, she was glad that he didn't, but something seemed fishy.

As quiet as she could she got up and looked around. It was in fact the cake in the oven that was burning to coal but at the moment she decided to ignore it. Wherever Nardakhan was, he was not in the kitchen and she didn't want to risk him coming back by making noises.

Her heart hammered in her chest and she heard her blood rushing in her ears while she was sneaking to the window. No one seemed to be outside, so she opened the door and left the house. She thought about going to the city but she couldn't be sure that Nardakhan hadn't noticed anything after all. What if he had told someone? What if they would chase her and ...

No! She wouldn't think about that now. But an other good reason for not going was that she must look horrible. Beaten, frightened and bloody. The people would talk and cause a lot of problems for her and Cole, that was for sure.

Suddenly the chickens on the other side of the house began to cackle, and made her flinch. It wasn't their usual cackling and squawking, more of panicky and ominous shrieks Jay only had heard once when a fox had entered the enclosure. Torn back and forth between the urgent need of looking after her chickens or running away (but still: where to?) she froze on the spot. What should she do? What did Nardakhan expect? The last thing she wanted to do was to play by his rules!

With trembling limbs she put one foot in front of the other. He surely didn't expect her to stay!

It felt like forever until she reached the corner of the house and lurked around it.

When she saw the horror at the enclosure, one of her hands darted up and pressed itself against her mouth to avoid any noises . Nevertheless it seemed to take a few seconds for her brain to process what she was seeing. It was just too absurd and horrific but no matter how hard she tried to deny the truth, it was real: Nardakhan held one of her brown feathered chicken at its throat. It didn't move and there was so much blood everywhere. An other chicken, the white one, was lying on the ground and didn't move either. The two remaining fluttered around nervously and screamed and shrieked terribly.

Nardakhan laughed and threw the motionless chicken at the panicking birds. Jay expected he would go after them too, but he just turned around and left the enclosure, locking the gate carefully.

"Burn, burn, burn it down, the house and all its residents," he sang lowly while pulling a fire striker, flint and some tinder out of his jacket. He sat down next to the hen house, in front of something that looked like an improvised fireplace.

"Blow, blow, blow it away, 'till all of them are gone," he sang enthusiastic.

Jay gasped and tried to stay quiet but she knew all too well what he was going to do.

'Run!' demanded a voice inside her head, but another one howled in anger and indignation about this stupid, vindictive man, who tried to rule his tiny world with violence and brutal force.

"No!" she whispered and gritted her teeth. How dare he, coming into her house, threatening and sexually harassing her? How dare he trying to destroy her and Cole's lives by burning their house?

But how should she stop him? How could she?

Her gaze fell on the axe Cole had left near the firewood. But could she really ...?

Strong and dull, the heart thumped in her chest and her body felt like it was on fire while her thoughts raced through her head. She despised violence. She didn't want to be someone who solved their problems with violence but ...

The chickens shrieked and screamed in panic and the sole thought of seeing this beautiful house in flames, hearing Cole's cries when the place where he had lived with his family burned to ashes, made her squirm.

But there was something else. Something she had never consciously perceived before: At this place she had, maybe for the first time in a long period, experienced warmth and the feeling of happiness and safety. Even when she still struggled with accepting this house as her new home, she had silently started to love it. Here she felt comforted and accepted. How could she allow that something bad happened to this place right in front of her eyes?

Without any further hesitation she ran to the stake of wood, grabbed the axe and whirled around.

Of course, Nardakhan, as an experienced soldier, had already noticed her. The moment of surprise she had hoped for failed, and so without further hesitation she pounced on him with the aim of knocking the fire steel out of his hand.

"You!" he growled. His hand twitched forward and reached for the axe.

Jay couldn't say what exactly went wrong. Everything happened so extremely fast. She just tried not to lose her only weapon and the very next moment, there was blood everywhere and Nardakhan stared at her stunned.

Blood dripped from a cut on his cheek and left dark stains on his clothes.

"Back off!", Jay yelled, staggering back a few steps herself. "You really should go now! You have caused enough damage here."

At first it actually looked as if Nardakhan was going to retire and Jay's courage rose. But when a wide grin parted his lips and his eyes went dark, she knew that she should have run away when she had the chance. But now it was too late.

"Oh, I should have slain you right there in the kitchen, you dirty whore!" He spat on the ground and roughly whipped the blood from his face with his sleeve.

Her whole body shook and she cursed at the fact that she was that nervous and frightened. There was no thought of moving, let alone talking back. All she was able to do was, holding the axe and trying not to look too scared. Maybe he would just leave her alone? Maybe she had scared him away?

But actually she knew that her wish won't come true. This man was vengeful and very dangerous. He had killed two of her chickens for no reason and he had just admitted, that he wished for her death. He was a skilled fighter and she was a frightened, weak person. It was hopeless!

The mercenary reached for the axe again, but Jay was faster: She raised her weapon up and only a few seconds later she pulled it down diagonally. Nardakhan had to jump back really quick to avoid being hit, but came back at her when her weapon was down and before Jay had realized what just had happened, she was lying on her back, and the axe slid a few meters away.

A sharp pain tortured her where her head had hit the ground and for a brief moment sparkling stars were dancing in front of her eyes and made it impossible for her to see clearly.

That was enough time for Nardakhan to jump on her and it was pure luck that she turned to the side at that moment and thus escaped his punch. Still she couldn't see clearly but the panic lend her a sheer amount of power. She kicked, punched and bit whatever she could reach. She heard him screaming and cursing, felt pain wherever he hit her and again she tasted the nauseating taste of blood. She acted no longer in a calculated way. All she did was trying to scare him away, trying to protect her home, trying to be brave and simply trying to survive.

Somehow he managed to pin her on the ground and didn't leave her any room. His legs and knees pressed her arms down and he sat on her body. Blood and sweat dripped from his face down on hers.

"Let go off me!" Jay yelled, but he just laughed and gave her a sharp slap.

Everything went black and a dull throb filled her ears; making it impossible to hear anything else.

'That's it! I'm going to die!' She thought once more that day.

Cole's face appeared right in front of her eyes. His gentle eyes and the shy smile on his face was so peaceful and reassuring for Jay. She felt an unfamiliar warmth spreading through her whole body, followed by an ice cold hand that squeezed her heart when she realized that Cole's appearance was about to change. Dull black eyes, pale skin. A broken man who lost everything and everyone.

She knew this had to be a glimpse into the future. A future where she was dead and his house burnt to ashes.

"No!" she spat out and opened her eyes. She could no longer breath because Nardakhan was choking her with both hands. Panic rose in her but all she managed to do was to free one arm.

The mercenary didn't even care! She was no danger for him. Unarmed, weak, beaten.

"It's your own fault, missi! I would have let you live but anyways, no one will miss such horrible stubborn geese like you. Nobody needs you!"

White and black patches danced in front of Jay's eyes. Her free hand was still captured between his leg and her own body, but she rejoiced and took new courage when her hand finally reached something cold. She loosened the long, hard object, swung out with it as far as she could and let it rush down. Once, twice and so many times more cut the deadly sharp blade of her dagger in Nardakhan's flesh.

Screaming and cursing he recoiled and let go off Jay.

She coughed and choked when finally fresh air flew through her trachea, filled her lungs and cleared slowly her sight. She knew that she should try to escape now. Her dagger had caused several bad injuries on Nardakhan's calf. For sure he was furious and still near her, so he might come back in a blink and end what he had tried twice before without success.

With difficulty Jay rolled herself onto her side and fought her way up to her knees, gasping and wheezing.

'Hurry! Hurry up now!' she spoke to herself. Adrenalin rushed through her veins and made the impossible possible: She stood up. Tumbling, but she finally stood and whirled around to face her opponent.

Blood dripped from her wonderful jade dagger to the ground and flowed over her fingers. It made the handle slippery, so she strengthened her grip and prepared herself for a new attack, but Nardakhan was still kneeling on the ground, surrounded by splotchy black patches of blood in the gras.

He pressed his hands on the wounds and gritted his teeth while glaring at her with burning hate.

"Do you even know what you did there?"

Jay froze on the spot when she saw the triumph in his gaze. He seemed to think that he had won. But why? It took her a while to realize what just had happened: She had injured a man! A citizen!

Maybe he could guess her thoughts, because he laughed spitefully. "Oh yes, that was you death sentence, missi!"

"But ... but you were the one attacking me!" Jay's fingers trembled and she had trouble holding the dagger.

"And who would believe you? Which sane man in the court would beliefe that I risked touching a member of the hangman's family? An impure person like you? All those stupid and fine gentlemen who think this bullshit about ranks are true? No one would give a shit about your word when my word stands against it!"

Jay couldn't grasp why she had been that stupid. She had been digging her own grave by saving herself and her home and Nardakhan got what he had wanted: ruining her life and seeing her dead. In the end being brave and leaning up against this maniac hadn't changed anything.

She had lost.

"No," she whispered and he laughed at her stupidity.

"Don't blame yourself, missi. Women are not made for thinking. You only have a head, so it doesn't rain down your throat. You can't even do anything for that!" He had trouble standing up, but finally he stood and limped in her direction.

"Why? Why are you doing all this? What have I done to you?"

He shrugged. "Nothing special."

"Nothing special?" A hysterical laughter rose in her, but she held it back. "You knowingly ruin my life for no reason?"

"You just shouldn't have denied me what I wanted. I mean, spreading your legs seemed like no problem so far. You should have known that I wouldn't be amused when you refuse me. So the only one to blame for this is yourself!"

Jay opened her mouth for a sharp reply, but at that very moment Nardakhan took her by surprise when he reached for her dagger. She didn't even know what just had happened and she stood there with empty hands.

"Time to say goodbye darling!" He hissed and tore up the dagger.

"No!" Jay stumbled back, managed to turn around and run to the axe that was lying nearby in the grass. Her life might have been ruined but she had no intention on giving up without a fight!

She grabbed the axe, whirled back and prepared herself for a last fight. Why being afraid when she would die anyways? Maybe she could take that bastard to hell with her!

Her feet moved, her body felt somehow hot and cold at the same time but suddenly a jolt went through her, stopped her and the weapon was snatched from her hand.

Nardakhan's evil grin stopped suddenly. His eyes widened and his mouth stood open.

"How long have you been there?" He asked and his face turned pale.

Jay was so confused that she just stood there and watched Nardakhan slowly backing off.

"Long enough."

She couldn't trust her ears. That was ...

"Cole!" she shouted and when she turned her head, she saw her husband right behind her. With his left arm he held her tightly against him and in his right hand she saw the axe which he had apparently taken away from her.

"Guess we have to move our appointment on another day, Jacob!" Cole said to someone behind him.

A tiny voice in Jay's head asked if she may be dead and this was just something she wished so dearly, that she hallucinated after she had died. But then she saw one of the guards standing behind Cole. Somehow she doubted that she would see a stranger in her hallucination. She was way too much a romantic and for sure tended to see Cole as her savior!

The guard smirked. "It looks so. Nardakhan, I suggest you to lay down the weapon. Don't try anything stupid. We both know you will, but save us some time and quit it."

"Why?" he snarled. "This crazy witch attacked me. So arrest her!"

"Quit it, just do as you're told!"

While Jacob arrested the mercenary and brought the dagger back to Jay, her husband cupped her face with his big hands. His dark eyes showed the amount of concern he must be feeling right now. "Are you alright?"

Everything Jay could do was nodding. "I'm fine. But the chickens ..."

Cole looked to the enclosure and frowned. "What did he do there?" he asked bewildered and shook his head, but his eyes were filled with concern when he looked back at her.

He slowly lifted his hand and stroke her cheek. "Let's head inside. You definitely need a cup of tea and something to cool this or tomorrow you will look like a soldier after a battle." He didn't even wait for her answer and turned to the guard. "Jacob, wait for me. I'll be back in a minute."

As he took Jay by the arm and pulled her into the house, he asked: "What happened between you two?"

Outwardly he seemed calm, but Jay could feel his tension. His hands were barely trembling and his eyes were darker than she had ever seen before.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, but Cole shook his head and pressed her down onto a stool.

"I asked what happened."

Jay bit her lip. She had never before experienced him being so stressed and tense. "He ... I ... I don't know. He has been around all the time lately. Today he helped me with the bucket. It got stuck in the well again. After that he wanted to ..." She stopped and gritted her teeth.

Cole gave her a wet cloth and she pressed it onto her cheek.

"What did he want?" Cole asked merciless.

"He wanted me to sleep with him."

"And what happened next?"

"I uhm ... I bit his lip when he tried to kiss me. Then he knocked me down and killed the chickens. And I think he planned to burn the house down." Her body started to shiver and she had a hard time holding back the tears. "I tried to stop him and somehow I hurt him accidentally with the axe. He told me no one would beliefe what really happened. He said, it is my death sentence. No one will ever beliefe that he touched me first and he would claim that I was the one attacking him and that he killed me to protect himself."

Cole didn't say a single word. He just listened and finally he nodded. "Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."

Fearfully watching how Cole left the house, she bit her lip. Why did he go? Did he beliefe her? Had he been there for long enough to see what really had happened?

She didn't know what to do if he decided to listen to this crazy and dangerous man out there.

'Well in that case I don't have to worry about anything anymore,' she thought bitter. Nardakhan was a man and a man's word had way more weight than that of a woman.

Once more she thought about running away but nevertheless she stayed. She still believed and hoped from the bottom of her heart that he did trust her. But for now all she could do was wait patiently.

And so she did.


	13. I'm sorry

Jacob's face was like stone when Cole arrived.

"Nardakhan has brought up some very serious allegations against your wife."

"I bet he did." Cole saw that guy sitting right in front of the hen house. Of course, Jacob hadn't arrested the mercenary now and probably hadn't known what to do. Since Nardakhan wasn't able to run away, he had just left him on the ground. Sitting there he was cleaning his wounds with water and a dirty piece of cloth. 

Grinning and staring at Cole, this bastard even had the audacity to wave in his direction. He seemed pretty confident of victory.

Cole snorted and turned away so that he no longer had to see him.

"Master Hence, he said your wife tried to seduce him and threatened to burn him alive in your house!" Jacob's voice was trembling and when Cole finally looked up he saw Jacobs pale face.

"Do you beliefe him?" he asked calmly.

"Hell, no!" The guard spat on the ground. "I wouldn't belief him even if he told me the grass was green."

"Neither do I."

"But what should we do? If he takes the case to the judge –"

"No," Cole interrupted Jacob. "We can't let him do that."

"I know, but –"

Cole interrupted him again with a quick wave of his hand. "Escort him to the old hut in the forest. But make sure not to touch him. Jay told me, he kissed her."

Jacob's mouth gaped in horror. "He did what?" It took a few seconds, then he nodded seriously. "Master Hence, I know you want to protect her but Nardakhan is sly as a fox. You're going to get in hot water!"

"I know. Just ... just leave it to me. I'll take care of it later." He felt a frozen hand around his heart and his mind refused to think about the things he might do.

"Master Hence," the guard whispered again. Surely he suspected something but was too afraid to ask. "Whatever you're about to do, I can't participate."

"Oh?" Cole laughed. "I just want to have a chat with our friend." He smiled reassuring but Jacob wasn't convinced yet. The guard bit his lips and his gaze wandered back to the mercenary.

"Jacob", Cole whispered. "We both know what he is capable of. You know what he already did to you during a harmless dispute." Cole hated himself for bringing up such an awful memory, but he saw no other way out. He wanted to remind Jacob on that incident a year ago, when Nardakhan had hit his head with a mace during a brawl in the tavern. Since then, Jacob couldn't see as good as before. He had almost lost his job because of his bad eyesight but Cole had insisted to keep him as a helping hand in the prison and promised to take care for him. This had been the only way for Jacob to keep his job. Otherwise he and his family could have ended up on the street. That his eyes were getting worse and worse was no help. The doctors suggested, he might be blind within the next couple of years. Sooner or later he would be dependent on Cole and his generosity, so, technically, the guard had not really a choice but helping him.

"I --" Jacob swallowed heavily and his eyes were widened. "But ..."

"He almost ruined your live and he's about to ruin mine and Jay's now. We can't let him continue running around and destroying other peoples lives. Didn't you even say it would be so much better without him? That you lock up your sister whenever he's in town? What's to stop him from going after her next?"

Jacob hesitated, but finally looked back at Cole. "Master Hence, I won't do anything against the law."

"Don't be silly." The fake smile on his lips felt disgusting and made his stomach twist. "I'll just talk to him and show him his place in our city. You know, I'll tell him, that we won't tollerrate his behavior. Just leave it to me. I don't need your help for that."

"You just want to talk to him?"

"Of course."

They both knew this was a lie. But Jacob finally nodded. "I'll bring him to the hut. You can count on me!"

"Thank you, Jacob!" Cole smiled this silly and hurtful fake-smile and thought: 'I hope you'll forgive me, dear friend. Im sorry to betray your trust but I have to protect Jay, no matter what!'

~~~

"Does it hurt a lot?" Cole asked nervously while applying some cooling ointment on a big bruise on Jay's ribs. The reddened skin had already started to turn blue and he could imagine it would take a lot of time to heal completely.

Jay hesitated and she looked down on her hands. "No, I'm alright," she whispered and Cole knew immediately that this was the biggest lie ever, but he just nodded and cleaned her wounds silently. He didn't quite grasp what exactly tortured Jay this much but something told him, that he must be cautious and patient when he wanted to learn the truth.

She had been so silent since he came back. Even when he had just been away for a few minutes, his beautiful and cheerful partner had turned into a sad and frightened being.

After a while Jay's gaze darted up, but when she met Cole's, she flinched and looked back to her feet.

"Are ... are you ..." Her voice broke and she gritted her teeth.

"Am I what?" Cole tried to smile reassuring but Jay still didn't look up.

He sighed. "Jay, speak to me. Please!"

She shook her head. "It ... it's nothing."

Cole reached for her hand and stroked the back of her fingers with his thumb. "What is it, my little blue Jay?"

Finally she looked up and her eyes reminded him of the night sky in winter, when the full moon shone over the treetops. Deep and dark blue, almost black.

"Are you mad at me?" She finally whispered.

Baffled and confused, he wasn't able to answer. Why did she think he could be angry? That didn't make any sense! But the longer he needed to find the right words, the more Jay seemed to get desperate. She didn't dare to look at him anymore and she hid her face in her hands.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Cole felt as if he was awakening from a long dream. "Why?" He asked in confusion.

"I didn't tell you that he was staring at me and at least he killed the chickens and almost burned our ... your house down. It... it was all my fault you had almost lost everything."

"That's it?" Cole noticed that she didn't know how to respond, maybe she didn't even know what his words meant and that made him feel bad. But at least she opened up to him. That was good. A few weeks ago she wouldn't have said one word, he was sure.

"I know it was wrong not to tell you. I was so stupid and careless. If you don't want me to be near you now, I'll understand. Though, if you want me to leave, I will."

He was speechless! Jay had almost been discovered, had been beaten up and almost burned alive and all she cared about were his feelings? His potential loss?

"What the heck are you talking about?" Was everything he could say at the moment. That was crazy! How could she even think something like that?

"I'm sorry Cole! I'm so sorry!" She cried again and hid her face with her hands.

"Jay!" he shouted. "Jay, you can't be serious! You just fought a skilled fighter to protect our home!"

Jay sniffed and shook her head, still not ready to look up but at least she lowered her hands. "But I wasn't very successful, wasn't I?"

The bitterness in her voice was like a punch in his guts. She really didn't know what she had done!

"No, little blue jay," he said softly. "You were very successful!" He laughed a bit when he saw her confused look. "You did a great job!"

"But he only stopped when you came. Otherwise he would have killed me and burned the house down. I didn't do anything to prevent it!" Her voice was a bit higher than usual and some tears glistened in her eyes.

Cole could guess how desperate she must feel and he slowly understood that she couldn't see how brave she had been. "Jay," he started again and stroked her hair back behind her ear. "You were absolutely amazing."

"No, I wasn't."

"Of course you were! You defended yourself against this bastard and protected our home. All by yourself and without any proper weapons! You could have just run away but you choose to stop him. And it doesn't matter that you didn't win the fight. You held him off long enough until help came." He chuckled and placed a little kiss on her forehead. "And to be fair: I didn't save you. I saved him!"

"What?"

Cole nodded and tried not to laugh. "I'm pretty sure you would have beaten his ass with that axe."

It was amazing to see how she slowly started to understand. Her eyes widened and her mouth stood slightly open. Cole smiled a bit. "Without your courage he would have caused so much more damage. To you and to our property."

"You ..." she cleared her throat and finally dared to look at him directly. Her wonderful blue eyes reflected her emotions blatantly and made clear how hopeful and at the same time anxious she must be feeling right now.

"You really think so?"

A small nod was everything it needed. Thick tears flowed unhindered over her cheeks and she leaned against Cole's shoulder. "I think I should have done more! I should have talked to you about him, I should ... I should ..."

Sobs shook her and she let herself be pulled into Cole's arms without resistance. "Shh," he whispered and kissed her forehead. "Everything's fine and there's nothing you could have done. Do you hear me, Jay? I'm proud of you and I'm absolutely convinced that you are the bravest person I've ever met!"

Still sobbing but much calmer now, she looked at him. "How can you say that? Why aren't you angry that I didn't warn you about Nardakhan? Why don't you yell at me for being so stupid and fight against him?"

"Well I ..." It took him a while to find an answer for such a difficult question, but at least he shrugged and kissed her once more. "No one could have known what he was about to do. He's a creep but I didn't expect him to be a murderer and arsonist."

"But I -"

"No, Jay! Everything went well."

"But ... you are really not mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad at you. But I wish you had told me about him earlier. Maybe I could have saved you from all this mess." A heavy sigh escaped him. He felt incredibly bad for not paying more attention. Maybe he could have prevented this whole mess if he had just known that Nardakhan was interested in Jay. But he just said: "I guess we both have to learn how to trust each other."

Jay blinked in confusion. "Trust each other? But I ... I do trust you!"

He couldn't help but smile. "I know, but ... just do me a favor and tell me if something is on your mind."

She hesitated and he could sense her insecurity. "What?" he asked.

"I ..." She looked up and seemed to be assessing whether she could really tell him what she was thinking. After a few seconds she sighed deeply and finally opened up to him. "I was worried you could think I'm imagine things. Or that I would like having his ... his attention."

"Why would I ... I mean, do you really think I'm that stupid?"

She didn't answer but the funny look she gave him, made him chuckle. "Okay, yes. I might not be the brightest light on the birthday cake, but the point is: I trust you."

"Just to be sure: Aren't you the brightest light for trusting me or –"

Cole snorted indignantly and Jay gave him – of course cheekily grinning – a quick peck on the cheek but she smiled deescalating. "I promise! From now on I'll talk to you," she whispered.

"You better will, smarty pants!"

"I thought you like that about me?"

Cole frowned. "Guess that's another sign that I'm not too smart, huh?"

She huffed and caressed Cole's cheek. "Maybe I like stupid men."

"Yeah, maybe." It wasn't hard to find back to this playful banter with her. But there was something he had to make clear. And, as sorry as he was, he had to get serious again: "Oh before I forget: You will not fight against any men ever again! Did you get that?"

"What?" She blinked in confusion. "Didn't you just say you liked how brave I was?"

"Indeed. You were incredibly brave and at the same amount incredibly careless. If something happens ever again, I want you to save yourself. A house can be rebuild. You can't." He stroked her hair tenderly and smiled.

Jay didn't answer. She just blinked in confusion, so Cole frowned.

"Jay, did you get that?"

"But your house! All the memories of your family. It would have been destroyed!"

"Jay!" His voice was way lower and deeper than he had intended. "I promise, if you ever do something so careless ever again, I'll spank your ass until you can't sit anymore."

A jolt went through Jay's body and she blinked. "Uhm ... what?"

"You heard me! So?" he asked with that unusual deep voice.

"I ... I promise I'll be careful." A deep sigh left her and she shook her head. "You are quite a handful!"

"Just like you!" He smirked and kissed her fingertips. "So, for now we just have to heal your wounds and unfortunately buy some new chickens."

"And a cake."

Cole blinked bewildered. "A cake?" he asked and when the knowledge struck him, he realized that there had been this awful smell when he had entered the property. Somehow burned. The smell still hung vaguely in the air. "Oh no! Don't you dare telling me my cake got burned!"

Giggling she slid on his lap and cuddled up to him. "I am afraid, unfortunately so it is."

"No!" he cried. "Couldn't you have at least saved the innocent cake?"

"You really are a glutton!" Jay snorted and kissed him tenderly. "I'll go and buy one at the bakery."

"No!" His heart beat like a drum. "Stay at home and get some rest!" Regretfully, he pushed Jay off his lap and stood up. "There's something I have to take care of now. Stay in the house."

"Cole, what -" Her eyes widened when their gazes met. "What are you planning?"

"Nothing you have to worry about." A reassuring smile spread over his face and when he finally kissed her, she melted into his embrace. "I love you, Jay," he whispered and couldn't help but smile when she blushed.

It didn't matter that she didn't respond. Her glistening eyes told him enough. Even when she didn't love him back, at least she liked him. And that was enough for the moment. The person he loved the most was with him.

Oh yes, he would go to hell and back for Jay if necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that took some time and unfortunately I have to announce a little hiatus. Next week I'll be away for 2 weeks and I don't know if I have time for writing. 
> 
> Stay save and healthy everyone. See you soon!

**Author's Note:**

> ~~~
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. 
> 
> If you liked 'The hangman's first love', don't forget to leave a kudo and (perhaps) a comment. Thank you!
> 
> (Note: cross-posted on Wattpad).


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